I don't want to look back on this year and think of all the bad. I don't want to be filled with anger, hurt, resentment. I was asking God for a season of peace after 10/6, but I'm not sure a season of total and complete peace is possible this side of Heaven.
I've learned walking outside of the will of God never pans out well for me. It doesn't lead to any place I want to go. I feel like I acted out in rebellion that day because I was impatient of the dating process and other things. I do not want to grow weary of the race.
Here is my Facebook status from Thursday night:
"Today I broke up with fear.
Fear has been a constant companion of mine since before I can remember. The last 6 months have been plagued with (at times) an all-paralyzing fear. But my God was faithful to keep His word and I feel a new appreciation for EVERYTHING.
So, I'm dumping fear and rededicating my time, efforts, talents, finances, health, etc. to all things Kingdom. Life is too short to live any other way. And quite frankly, a life outside of the will of God is not a life I wanna live because I know where it leads and how lonely and scary it feels.
Onward and upward, my friends!"
Stated above, that truly is the desire of my heart. I feel like I've been given a new lease on life and I want to live is purposefully, intentionally, productively - I don't want to waste it.
Below I'm going to share some positive things of this year that I will choose to focus on when I reflect on 2016:
- Each kid celebrates another birthday; yay for happy, healthy, growing kids!
- Year 3 of cancer free
- Crystal - a faithful friend who was always there for me. Who was patient with me when most would grow annoyed. Who is a prayer warrior and a positive uplifter. She is the first person on earth to show me unconditional love. I've experienced her faithfulness in a whole new way this year.
- Amber and Farah - also amazing friends who even though we may go longer without communicating, we seem to pick up right where we left off. Not time nor distance has changed these relationships.
- Nancy. <3
- My job. I have an amazing Christian boss who works with me so much when it comes to scheduling (to allow me to be a mom). She has wisdom beyond her years. It is a joy working for her.
- My co-workers. Lovely women whom I adore.
- This year I bought my own car and it's not a beater. ;)
- Big brothers. Zeke and Asher have had their Big Brothers since January and it's been such a blessing for them!
- Macie making progress with her separation anxiety.
- Thankful for baby steps in redeeming broken family relationships.
- Weather. Aside from the scorching hot summer days, totally love North Dakota weather!
- Women's bible study group.
- People who stand in the gap.
- People who unhesitatingly and joyfully give.
- Thankful for the friendships Zeke has made.
- Thankful for the confidence Zeke has gained through playing soccer.
- Thankful Asher is enjoying and continuing in Scouts.
- Excited for Macie as she embarks in Girl Scouts.
- Thankful we are still in our apartment which is in a nice area of town.
- Thankful for my doctor at Lifeways who takes personal interest in helping me achieve physical and emotional health.
- Thankful for pediatrics who don't question my choices for my children.
- Thankful for a second chance at college after a rough Spring semester.
- Thankful for BODY PUMP! LIFE CHANGER! Super excited about discovering this class and I've been actively taking it for half a year now!
- Thankful I'm growing braver in the gym...going alone, trying new things (Kickboxing), etc.
- Snapchat! OK, that one sounds silly but I seriously love that lil' app.
- Thankful for Wanda - who will randomly bring us dinner or spend time with my kids.
- Thankful for Brenda N. She has come along side to help, but really has been like a friend. She has helped in many ways but also in setting an example and just listening. Love her.
- Thankful for Donette for bringing my kids food when I was sick.
- Thankful for Emily for watching my kids multiple times so I can focus on school work. Thankful for her smiling face and all her love and support and LAUGHTER.
- Thankful for the prayers from Sarah.
- Thankful to have committed to Evangel - today marks my second time volunteering.
- Thankful for the Dakota Zoo - it always serve as a sweet get away for me and the kids. Precious memories are always made.
- Thankful for my first Bismarck friend, Gloria, who has now moved south. She will never know what her friendship meant (& still means) to me. And also, she and her husband gave me an old laptop of theirs for my school.
- Thankful for friends like Jessica who I don't get to see often, but who is ALWAYS there when I need someone.
- Thankful for the closeness of everything in Bismarck - I am never more than a couple miles from my kids! LOVE!
- Thankful for my God...new seasons and challenges only bring growth in my relationship with Him. He continues to be our provider and protector. He blesses us daily - if only we open our eyes!
- Thankful there is nothing TOO BIG or TOO SMALL that I can't take to my Heavenly Father. He cares about it all!
See? There's still so much good!
"Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing, praising God"
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