Time

It scares me how easily out of breathe I can get.

Going up stairs, walking around around the house doing things, going on the trampoline for only minutes, walking --- it's scary.

It is not a surprise how badly I've gotten out of shape. I'm the heaviest I've been. And though I can blame it on my slew of health conditions (not having a thyroid due to thyroid cancer, premature ovarian failure and having to be on HRT for that), the truth is I've not been doing my part to be the best version of myself.

Physically, mentally, spiritually --- I'm fading slowly.

I remember thinking, if only I could get some time off from work to refocus on health and giving my all to attaining it. But we don't live in such a world where we can abandon things like earning a paycheck and paying bills. I have children dependent on me - which is exactly why action needs to be taken.

I'm on week three or four of working from home due to the Coronavirus outbreak. Although I'm working 8+ hours a day, still, it's amazing the extra time I have. I have started to contemplate how this may be a blessing in disguise; to focus on health.

My goal for the month of April is to walk 2 miles a day/or walk for 30 minutes straight. I've been doing just that with watching Leslie Sansone fitness videos on YouTube. I'm contemplating adding additional workouts because, after all, I do just sit at a desk for work. Nicht gut.

Growing up, I didn't have a weight issue. This is something that has only developed in my adulthood and has slowly worsened every year. I don't want to live with the feelings of energy and confidance being a thing of the past. I want that in the present. I'm also increasingly disheartened by how easily discouraged I become. The mental aspect of my struggle is real, and my self-control is real small.

God has saved me from cancer.
God has saved me from abuse.
God has saved my life over and over again.

What am I doing with this life that He's given me?

Times are certainly scary, and I do hope to write more about the specifics, but for now I want to focus on the one thing I've been given --- which is a blessing --- and that is time; time to devote to prayer, exercise and health.

Welcome to 2020!

Why hello there!

It is crazy to think I started this blog nearly 9 years ago. I was in a completely different season of life and have been through so much in those years. Cross country move(s), health crisis, divorce, single parenting, going back to college, career changes, marriage - yikes, it's been a whirlwind for sure! 

Though there's been gaps in time of my writing, my love for writing and documenting life's journeys has not changed. In a world of vloggers, I am still a lover of words, pictures and quiet time to type my thoughts and feels.

I've considered starting a new blog, all things considered, but right now, as my mind draws blanks, I think I'll stick around here a bit longer until I receive clarity.

My kids are all much older - 16, 12 and 9 - and we have added two more to the bunch! My two stepsons who are 10 and 9. I am five months married to an incredible man, Michael, who has been a godsend and truly an answer to so many prayers.

We are living in weird times right now as the coronavirus (COVID-19) is spreading and social distancing is encouraged. This week I'll be going on week three of working from home and the kids not going to school. What a time to be alive! So many thoughts on this...might have to talk about it more later.

My hope is to get back to writing on a regular basis. To document life and lessons and growth and even setbacks. Life is hard and painful at times but through it all I can say God is good. And if there's one thing I want my kids (and even others) to know it's you can always lean on Him.

January 17, 2018

NOTE:
Another post never published and left in drafts. Choosing to publish to serve as a reminder. 


I don't have all the answers. Sometimes I struggle with having faith. But it ALWAYS come back to this...when He speaks to me!

I am a worrier by nature. I always come up with worst case scenarios and then run with it. When I have been in the most terrifying situations of my life, HE HAS SPOKEN A PEACEFUL WORD and every single freakin' time it has come to pass. NO MATTER WHAT THE PEOPLE SAID, NO MATTER WHAT THE RESULTS SHOWED, what He said prevailed over it all. And y'all, I cannot explain THE WHY. There's no way I could come up with this on my own. There's. no. stinkin'. way.

This is how I know He's real. He talks to me.

I sooooo needed this reminder tonight.

His Voice

NOTE:
This was originally written on 5/1/17 - why I never posted it - well, probably a lack of faith. I am posting it now to serve as a reminder for myself and encouragement to others. Listen to Him - even if the world dare says different, listen to the Father for He is trustworthy.

Monday May 1 2017

I was feeling especially down. Day 3 of strep throat, the week of finals, no less, all weekend plans had to be canceled, just days prior finding out I may have re-occurring thyroid cancer. It was too much. I started asking in anger WHY?! Like if this is all my life is going to be, fighting to stay alive, then what is the point of BEING alive?! And by the end of that day I felt a peace that said, "This is not cancer." And though I want to shout this from the roof tops, part of me is like, "but what if this test comes back saying this or that? Then people will think of God as a liar, or think I'm a loonie, or what if it causes my faith flounders?" etc. etc. But today at the Healing Rooms - they told me to go with it. There's my answer from God - that "what if"? That's from the enemy.

It was an evening in November 2012 and I was getting out of the shower. I was listening to Q100 radio station. They were talking about Brooke Burke's recent diagnosis with thyroid cancer. This was after my biopsy but before surgery, this was still in my "wait". They were just talking about her and I felt a peace saying that I do have thyroid cancer. And it wasn't scary, but it was a peace. And that is how I went in on surgery day and everything was OK but HE HAD TOLD ME IN ADVANCE. And the frozen section came back as no cancer but a week or so later, lab work said yes it was! So He was right.

He prepares us in advance. His VOICE IS PEACE.

As I left the Healing Rooms this evening, storm clouds hovered overhead, and it started to rain. He makes all things new. About 5 weeks ago, I was leaving prayer at my church because I was facing another potentially scary diagnosis. It was raining lightly and He makes all things new came to mind. I had peace then.

God is doing something big here. Preparing for something big, or something - I am not sure of the details but SOMETHING BIG IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. I'm clinging to what He said - I am believing that word was from Him. I will enjoy this rain as it falls down on earth and I thank my Father and Creator for providing rain which nourishes, which helps things to growth.