Friday, May 30, 2014

Mark 5:34

"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
Mark 5:34

Above is the Truth that the Lord had spoken to me last Spring. I found it difficult to accept. Sometimes it is hard for me to accept that anything good could happen to me...

May 28th 2014- I went to Fargo to meet with my new endocrinologist. I knew I was overdue for an ultrasound. I knew we would be finding out whether or not cancer was wrecking havoc inside me. I was so nervous. But once again, ND doctors surprised me with their loving-kindness, personal care, and with being very forth-giving of all facts.

The doctor went over all my notes from previous doctors. We discussed all my concerns including sometimes feeling something in random spots of my neck, and swollen tonsils. We talked for close to an hour. She thoroughly checked my neck physically and felt nothing, she looked down my throat, again found nothing. She wanted to send me for an ultrasound, also have blood taken to check my thyroid levels to make sure I'm on a proper dose, and also check me for thyroglobulin tumor marker. She said ideally, there wouldn't be a marker or find anything via ultrasound. She was very hopeful. She also mentioned, she did not know why my Georgia doctor wanted me to have radioactive iodine. There was no cancer "in the margins", none in my lymph nodes. She said had I been under her care at the time, she would not have suggested that protocol. In that moment, two things became clear to me - once again, to some the love of money is more than a person's physical well being, and two, I'm so thankful I did not go through with the suggested radiation. So many people doubted me, so many people thought I was crazy. But now looked at what harm it would've caused, and it was totally unneeded.

I say unneeded because yesterday I got a phone call with the results. My thyroid levels were great (yay Nature-Throid!), there was no marker, and NO MASS FOUND from the ultrasound. She said see ya back at your 6 month check up. This was confirmation after confirmation of God's faithfulness. I was dependent on Him for guidance and in no way, shape, or form did I feel peace with radiation, but in trusting GOD and HIS MEDICINE CABINET. The only treatment I had received was an intensive 12 week detox program, and a diet/lifestyle change at home including more than food, but body/household products. By no means have I been perfect in ANY of these areas - but if only ya could've seen the way I ate and lived 5 years ago - BIG CHANGE!

The only thing now I need to pray/research about is she would like for me to do a scan in 6 months. A scan requiring me to take a low dose of radiation to detect if there is any cancer. If that scan comes back clear, then in their eyes I'm "cured" (her words). I receive enough radiation exposure just from every day life - no matter how low the risk she claims, I do not feel comfortable with this. But I have time to do my homework.

Right now I want to just focus on being free of cancer. In a way, I still feel shocked, and yet in another way I don't. I feel God has been speaking to be throughout this last year, telling me to trust in Him, telling me He has healed me, but I let my mind wander. And I've chosen fear over peace, my "knowledge" over His TRUTHS. 

I remember in December 2012, a month before my surgery, a group of women from my church including my entire women's small group came together and placed their hands on me and prayed for my healing. I believe at the moment God healed me. Now whether He did in through surgery, or my detox, or just prayer, I don't know. But I credit Him for my healing and everything else as tools used. I am so thankful it was part of His plan for me to overcome this. I am so excited as I continue on in life with the hope of a future with my husband and children. I also want to learn more about health, and achieving the best optimal health in the most raw, natural, God-given way.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

RIP Ruby

Monday May 26th (Memorial Day) 2014

Today we lost a family member.

Our sweet Ruby passed away. She was hit by a car.
I never thought I could love a pet so much. I could never understand those who did. But from the day we brought Ruby home, when she was merely 5.5 weeks old, I fell in love. Truly, genuinely, sincerely I fell in love with this little pup. And not just me, but my whole family. She was a part of our family. A very, very loved family member.

We had taken her with us to the park today. She was on her leash. When we came back, I started working on making dinner and she was running wild through the house. Usually at meal time, we either put her in her kennel, or outside on her chain. Silly Ruby wouldn't come to the boys, even with them holding a treat in their hands. Me, being fully focused in what I was doing, just said to put her outside, thinking I would put her on her chain once the kids had ate. It wasn't much longer later when our doorbell rang, and a lady told us our dog had been hit, that she was dead. Right outside our living room window, there lay our sweet Ruby. I immediately called Perry who was at work and he came home, and we buried Ruby in the back yard. 

Before Perry got home, after the lady had left, I just stood in shock. As did the kids. Zeke started to cry, he was blaming himself for putting her outside. I told him over and over it was NOT his fault, he only did as I instructed him. Macie kept insisting she could go over to Ruby and ask if she's ok. Asher was fighting back the tears. He eventually walked to a corner, and the water works started. That is so typical Asher...trying to be all strong and hold in his emotions. I held my babies so close, crying with them, Asher told me he was trying so hard not to cry but he couldn't stop. Zeke said similar. Asher kept repeating, "I will never see her again". Zeke was sharing his upset that he was frustrated with her their last moments together. Macie chimed in saying, "If we say 'oh my god' she will come back. Say 'oh my god', you guys." And I did. 

All I could think of was if this is how it feels to lose a pet - if these are the emotions we have - shock, sadness, regret - how much greater will they be if we lost a dear friend or family member? How many times have I ended a conversation with my husband in upset? Or became irritated with a friend? Or wishing for a break when parenting proves too challenging? Life is so precious. And I am so guilty of having these thoughts, feelings and actions. Just today, I was talking about a possible trip we're considering this summer. I was thinking how difficult it is to have to find a sitter for Ruby and it cramps my travel schedule. And now look, she's gone. I regret ever complaining about it. I miss her so much.

I sure hope our pets go to Heaven. I look forward to seeing her again some day. Until we meet again, Ruby, know you are insanely loved FOREVER and missed dearly.

RIP Ruby Nikki Robinson

I have heard people say if you see a butterfly after the passing of a loved one, that's them there in spirit. This evening this butterfly landed on the front of my car and stayed there even during a drive to and from the gas station. I choose to believe Ruby is here in spirit.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Asher's Kindergarten Graduation & Field Day

Thursday May 22nd, 2014
Asher's kindergarten graduation!
(Asher is wearing a black shirt with white words on the front.)

Asher with Ms. Anderson.
(Started the year with Mrs. Brown back in GA. Who we adored!)

Asher on the last day of school; field day.
Zeke on field day.
Funny story about this boy. The high was in the 80s, and I told him this, to encourage him to wear shorts and tee. But no, he said he has worn jeans and long sleeved shirts since he started school here and has every day since and that's how he wanted to end it! Temp got up to 88* (by that time he was home, though). He survived the heat. What a trooper. ;)

Right before Macie and I left for field day, this kitten walks into our kitchen. Literally, we had left the door open. No clue where he/she came from. These pics don't do it justice, this little fella is tiny! Anyways, Macie wanted to keep him but 1) landlords say no cats, 2) Perry is allergic and 3) this kitty already has a home and looks too small to be away from his/her mommy. What a cutie though. She/he was still chilling around our yard when the boys came home, they enjoyed her briefly, then we discovered he/she belonged to our neighbors, so the kiddos returned the little guy.


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Giving Thanks In All Circumstances

 1 1/2 years ago, my sweet daughter scratched my eye pretty badly. I went to the hospital, they gave me some drops and all was well. 1 1/2 months later, it reopened. This time I went to an eye doctor who applied the contact bandaid over the course of a few days. Fast forward to now, the other morning I woke up my eye feeling irritated. I applied some drops, all was well. But yesterday it got worse. By the time I decided I needed to be seen, offices were closed - however, I was able to make an appointment for the following morning (today). Last night I woke up in so much pain. Convinced I needed to go to the hospital, but I couldn't drive myself with the rain and being unable to see very good. With prayer and eye drops, I was able to fall asleep. Perry took me to the doctor this morning and sure enough, it was the same scratch that reopened. I'm wearing another contact bandaid and go back in two days for another. 

By no means was today ideal, but it was so nice to have Perry there. It was so nice to have him be there for me, to help me, comfort me, just to have his shoulder to lean it. I also messaged some of my close friends asking for prayers. I was really scared. And God worked through them to talk to me. Don't worry/stress/fear, God's got this, everything will be okay. And it was. I felt God speaking to me throughout this. And my prayers were answered. The doctor was incredibly kind - as was the entire staff. That's what I needed. 

I don't just want to praise God or give Him recognition when things are going my way, but also when they're not. I want to "give thanks in all circumstances" (1 Thess. 5:18) - I want to always be aware of the presence of God and of His grace/mercy. I know it sounds simple, maybe silly to some, but I really felt God in so many ways today. Even though my eye hurt, even though this was not how I wanted to spend my day/time/money, I can still say God is good! And it's true. He is good. Always and forever. 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Dinosaur Museum

Sunday May 4th, 2014
Dinosaur Museum

That's real - not a cast!!

This is supposed to be a funky 3D picture of three dinosaurs (one big, two small). All I can see is a dark spot in the middle...

I had so much fun taking the kids here and learning all about dinosaurs. It was a little taste of what homeschool will be like. YES - we are *finally* homeschooling fo' sho' this fall! We already have their curriculums picked out and I am getting connected with other homeschool mamas. (We are so excited for this new season in life!) When I asked the kids who their favorite dinosaur is, Zeke wasn't sure, Asher said triceratop, and Macie said, "The pink one. The really, really pink one." Of course! ;)