tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21166425786273342222024-03-13T14:31:38.287-04:00Write In Love"speak the truth in love" - Ephesians 4:15Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.comBlogger312125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-57293673495979634072020-04-08T21:00:00.001-04:002020-04-08T21:00:06.035-04:00Time<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It scares me how easily out of breathe I can get.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Going up stairs, walking around around the house doing things, going on the trampoline for only minutes, walking --- it's scary.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It is not a surprise how badly I've gotten out of shape. I'm the heaviest I've been. And though I can blame it on my slew of health conditions (not having a thyroid due to thyroid cancer, premature ovarian failure and having to be on HRT for that), the truth is I've not been doing <i>my </i>part to be the best version of myself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Physically, mentally, spiritually --- I'm fading slowly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I remember thinking, if only I could get some time off from work to refocus on health and giving my all to attaining it. But we don't live in such a world where we can abandon things like earning a paycheck and paying bills. I have children dependent on me - which is exactly why action needs to be taken.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm on week three or four of working from home due to the Coronavirus outbreak. Although I'm working 8+ hours a day, still, it's amazing the extra time I have. I have started to contemplate how this may be a blessing in disguise; to focus on health.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My goal for the month of April is to walk 2 miles a day/or walk for 30 minutes straight. I've been doing just that with watching Leslie Sansone fitness videos on YouTube. I'm contemplating adding additional workouts because, after all, I do just sit at a desk for work. <i>Nicht gut.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Growing up, I didn't have a weight issue. This is something that has only developed in my adulthood and has slowly worsened every year. I don't want to live with the feelings of energy and confidance being a thing of the past. I want that in the present. I'm also increasingly disheartened by how easily discouraged I become. The mental aspect of my struggle is real, and my self-control is real small.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God has saved me from cancer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God has saved me from abuse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">God has saved my life over and over again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What am I doing with this life that He's given me?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Times are certainly scary, and I do hope to write more about the specifics, but for now I want to focus on the one thing I've been given --- which is a blessing --- and that is time; time to devote to prayer, exercise and health.</span><br />
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<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-953743172550174032020-03-29T16:06:00.001-04:002020-03-29T16:08:27.883-04:00Welcome to 2020!<br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It is crazy to think I started this blog nearly 9 years ago. I was in a completely different season of life and have been through so much in those years. Cross country move(s), health crisis, divorce, single parenting, going back to college, career changes, marriage - yikes, it's been a whirlwind for sure! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Though there's been gaps in time of my writing, my love for writing and documenting life's journeys has not changed. In a world of vloggers, I am still a lover of words, pictures and quiet time to type my thoughts and feels.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've considered starting a new blog, all things considered, but right now, as my mind draws blanks, I think I'll stick around here a bit longer until I receive clarity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My kids are all much older - 16, 12 and 9 - and we have added two more to the bunch! My two stepsons who are 10 and 9. I am five months married to an incredible man, Michael, who has been a godsend and truly an answer to so many prayers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We are living in weird times right now as the coronavirus (COVID-19) is spreading and social distancing is encouraged. This week I'll be going on week three of working from home and the kids not going to school. What a time to be alive! So many thoughts on this...might have to talk about it more later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My hope is to get back to writing on a regular basis. To document life and lessons and growth and even setbacks. Life is hard and painful at times but through it all I can say God is good. And if there's one thing I want my kids (and even others) to know it's you can always lean on Him.</span></div>
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Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-52608645601648447042020-03-29T15:17:00.002-04:002020-03-29T15:17:21.547-04:00January 17, 2018<b>NOTE:</b><br />
<i>Another post never published and left in drafts. Choosing to publish to serve as a reminder. </i><br />
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I don't have all the answers. Sometimes I struggle with having faith. But it ALWAYS come back to this...when He speaks to me!<br />
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I am a worrier by nature. I always come up with worst case scenarios and then run with it. When I have been in the most terrifying situations of my life, HE HAS SPOKEN A PEACEFUL WORD and every single freakin' time it has come to pass. NO MATTER WHAT THE PEOPLE SAID, NO MATTER WHAT THE RESULTS SHOWED, what He said prevailed over it all. And y'all, I cannot explain THE WHY. There's no way I could come up with this on my own. There's. no. stinkin'. way.<br />
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This is how I know He's real. He talks to me.<br />
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I sooooo needed this reminder tonight.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-33157663825521705002020-03-29T15:16:00.000-04:002020-03-29T15:16:00.768-04:00 His Voice<br />
<b>NOTE:</b><br />
<i>This was originally written on 5/1/17 - why I never posted it - well, probably a lack of faith. I am posting it now to serve as a reminder for myself and encouragement to others. Listen to Him - even if the world dare says different, listen to the Father for He is trustworthy.</i><br />
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Monday May 1 2017<br />
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I was feeling especially down. Day 3 of strep throat, the week of finals, no less, all weekend plans had to be canceled, just days prior finding out I may have re-occurring thyroid cancer. It was too much. I started asking in anger WHY?! Like if this is all my life is going to be, fighting to stay alive, then what is the point of BEING alive?! And by the end of that day I felt a peace that said, "This is not cancer." And though I want to shout this from the roof tops, part of me is like, "but what if this test comes back saying this or that? Then people will think of God as a liar, or think I'm a loonie, or what if it causes my faith flounders?" etc. etc. But today at the Healing Rooms - they told me to go with it. There's my answer from God - that "what if"? That's from the enemy.<br />
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It was an evening in November 2012 and I was getting out of the shower. I was listening to Q100 radio station. They were talking about Brooke Burke's recent diagnosis with thyroid cancer. This was after my biopsy but before surgery, this was still in my "wait". They were just talking about her and I felt a peace saying that I do have thyroid cancer. And it wasn't scary, but it was a peace. And that is how I went in on surgery day and everything was OK but HE HAD TOLD ME IN ADVANCE. And the frozen section came back as no cancer but a week or so later, lab work said yes it was! So He was right.<br />
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He prepares us in advance. His VOICE IS PEACE.<br />
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As I left the Healing Rooms this evening, storm clouds hovered overhead, and it started to rain. <i>He makes all things new. </i>About 5 weeks ago, I was leaving prayer at my church because I was facing another potentially scary diagnosis. It was raining lightly and <i>He makes all things new </i>came to mind. I had peace then.<br />
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God is doing something big here. Preparing for something big, or something - I am not sure of the details but SOMETHING BIG IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. I'm clinging to what He said - I am believing that word was from Him. I will enjoy this rain as it falls down on earth and I thank my Father and Creator for providing rain which nourishes, which helps things to growth.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-21286866133187324612017-06-17T18:25:00.001-04:002018-01-17T23:01:23.912-05:00Surrender<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">What is life? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">About a month ago I went in for my yearly (thyroid) cancer screening. This would be year 4. My friend and mentor, Brenda, came with. I knew something was up in the ultrasound...the things she made me do, she said it was just her technique, but I just knew. Sure enough I got a call the next day (when usually I hear back same day) saying two nodules were found and I'd be needing a biopsy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Tuesday May 16th</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Me with my "surrogate mommy" Brenda</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Biopsy came about two weeks later. Fargo bound to my endocrinologist with Brenda once again by my side. 4 needles. He kept commenting how small. It seemed like a struggle. He was shaking the needle vigorously once injected. It actually hurt my throat this time. And it hurt my neck for days to come.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Not even 24 hours later I got the call. Here we go, round two.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Friday, May 19th</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Two days later I was back in Fargo with Brenda, undergoing a CT scan. I was so scared. A vein busted. It was gross. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">And "what a day" perfectly explains my feels for that day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">There was gap of time so Brenda and I met her daughter for lunch at the Toasted Frog, then got donuts and stopped by the Fargo mall.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmUtvHfMa2vJZchlyDUAecY1GNS1lNKjbxLUm4Yd5TYv6CfHwQCZXa3JvxBoY4Eaow-yvLxyz_ySJ8g7wVD6z5K3hduPyDKzG_OGQYWScf23gGEph3F2dwz9ykiTaXLAqinMlq6UvQzBg/s1600/June+12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmUtvHfMa2vJZchlyDUAecY1GNS1lNKjbxLUm4Yd5TYv6CfHwQCZXa3JvxBoY4Eaow-yvLxyz_ySJ8g7wVD6z5K3hduPyDKzG_OGQYWScf23gGEph3F2dwz9ykiTaXLAqinMlq6UvQzBg/s320/June+12.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">After killing the extra time just chillin in the car (we were exhausted, I had my appointment with the ENT who would be performing the surgery; he (Dr. Terrell) shoved something down my nose and throat to check out my voice box, which he said looked alright. He said he would have another doctor (Dr. Lalich) help him with the surgery. He said risks were slightly increased this go 'round; damage to vocal nerves going from 1% to 5%, then something about calcium. He also had an oncology nurse (from The Roger Maris Cancer Center) come in with him who gave me her card...wow, this is really happening, I can't believe it. But yet there was somehow peace in knowing there was a plan set. Surgery; June 12th. Radioactive iodine treatment to start approximately 6 weeks after (doctor prepping me right after surgery by taking me off thyroid meds - all but Cytomel). She isn't saying YES 100% to radioactive iodine, but she said most likely; I will see her 4 weeks after surgery July 12th.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wednesday, May 24th</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjIe4yIUbJY9nwkERh18982CJCi-rKHkvos__nvXgbAnMre9V30Rr6rNYGbMimfkwJOp-GRx2xIDN2MeWvaCh5-iTlif8p6VZTdV_ln7mjGzMyVQmxMbRyRdXI9RoPQlSYYM1cx4-CFQ/s1600/Bomb+drop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="1015" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFjIe4yIUbJY9nwkERh18982CJCi-rKHkvos__nvXgbAnMre9V30Rr6rNYGbMimfkwJOp-GRx2xIDN2MeWvaCh5-iTlif8p6VZTdV_ln7mjGzMyVQmxMbRyRdXI9RoPQlSYYM1cx4-CFQ/s320/Bomb+drop.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I waited to tell the kids until after all this took place...I shared the news with them with our counselors. The moment I brought up my thyroid, Zeke was in tears. He and Asher handled it the worse; questions, crying and shutting down. Zeke takes on the weight of the world so I can only imagine how he was internalizing it. Asher asking why is this happening to me, again. Prior to telling the kids, I'd been worked hard to create a support system for them by prepping the boys' Big Brothers, their schools, friends, etc. to help ensure they have a solid support system in the days to follow.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Here we are 6 days til surgery.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The emotions have been much different this time. Shortly after finding out my need for a biopsy, I came down with an awful case of strep throat; 3 days of fevers and indescribable pain. I started asking God what's the point of me being alive if it's just going to be a fight to stay alive? I felt Him say, "That is not cancer." And I felt a peace which transcends all understanding. So getting this diagnosis after, it rocked my world. God, do I not know Your voice? Did I miss understand? God, <i>can </i>I trust You?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><b>UPDATE. </b>Saturday, June 17th</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am sitting here 5 days post op and wow, what a week it's been! Sweet notes like this one have helped ease the pain throughout the process.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY-XO6RqsPleoc3sjv-38z228EqYHtdAYuKim0fxM1xUuCmROGB-GYkSG0uukoD544jb8r3a9K3-CIAYGVupBfXNkuIOS0mV74-PE5_VYdL20htpmPzSuXPfLqMqKuSg3KKXNWYgmyr3k/s1600/Note.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY-XO6RqsPleoc3sjv-38z228EqYHtdAYuKim0fxM1xUuCmROGB-GYkSG0uukoD544jb8r3a9K3-CIAYGVupBfXNkuIOS0mV74-PE5_VYdL20htpmPzSuXPfLqMqKuSg3KKXNWYgmyr3k/s320/Note.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">From a lady (Ramie) who works at the church I work out (I'm daycare side, she's church side).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Immediately from finding out the cancer had resurfaced, my friend, Fallon, took the initiative to start a GoFundMe but in addition, has put together a benefit/silent auction! I am humbled, speechless, as she has a busy life herself and has taken this role upon herself to help me and my family. I'm grateful!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTVqAFgmFgewS_03rzJIFNCs0Pm186MYp5vEi3I-B36OzcwHMJYywEPNlncoE-hPyKEW2ttYwWZfldWmHF6jSvsqZ3cv_8e2bRNiekr42q5wThD4vq1qCRoJ547rW_ouccbAqjkQPAfs/s1600/Gofundme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="571" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTVqAFgmFgewS_03rzJIFNCs0Pm186MYp5vEi3I-B36OzcwHMJYywEPNlncoE-hPyKEW2ttYwWZfldWmHF6jSvsqZ3cv_8e2bRNiekr42q5wThD4vq1qCRoJ547rW_ouccbAqjkQPAfs/s320/Gofundme.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Ex. of GoFundMe</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lHtTtuVDfMRAU2kxr1femCXPjXUuxVZknt-KPufhfCZIyezcRQvwegmDLo6ETYpjqZcgHPq9NfqZKIoXGKn9MBbsOGUxV5HoHeNUnXBsKnWZdn6BCPSCIgE4YT6ux8Lxcl8VBOQxfOc/s1600/Benefit.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0lHtTtuVDfMRAU2kxr1femCXPjXUuxVZknt-KPufhfCZIyezcRQvwegmDLo6ETYpjqZcgHPq9NfqZKIoXGKn9MBbsOGUxV5HoHeNUnXBsKnWZdn6BCPSCIgE4YT6ux8Lxcl8VBOQxfOc/s320/Benefit.png" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Benefit/silent auction</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">She has been going out into our community to gather donations for the silent auction. She's been in contact with my boss who has reached out to the church we work at to allow the benefit to be held there. Remember the first friend I met in ND, Jessica? She and her husband now own a butcher shop and they will be donating the meat for the spaghetti dinner served. I've had several co-workers step up and offering to help including Tiffany who lost her mother to breast cancer years ago. I have received financial donations and gift donations (for silent auction), sweet notes, prayers and support from so many unsuspecting people. Boys from Zeke's Boy Scout troop will also be helping with the benefit as well. So many people are coming together for me and my little ole family and I am humbled and full of gratitude! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The Tuesday before surgery, my boss along with all the church pastors/staff came together and laid hands/annointed oil and prayed for me. I was in tears. The day before I was at the Healing Rooms receiving more prayer. A "phone friend" of mine, Nicholas, said a beautiful prayer for me as well. So many prayers, from so many sources! It's amazing how God can work through others!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Friday, June 9th was our last night together as a family. We got Dairy Queen.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja9U5XyOLsb_1AqUWjW4pqZHflZFWv__Hx_B_PkIhOKiK9Z1AJT7JLgnOll5H9UhdAkxujRuJb5LlqWVdufALWTOeRhM-spXR85c3EVX9MWhypTG6WPQe6QAqpVVk5SRBvgXgByywxgW4/s1600/Family.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja9U5XyOLsb_1AqUWjW4pqZHflZFWv__Hx_B_PkIhOKiK9Z1AJT7JLgnOll5H9UhdAkxujRuJb5LlqWVdufALWTOeRhM-spXR85c3EVX9MWhypTG6WPQe6QAqpVVk5SRBvgXgByywxgW4/s320/Family.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Saturday, Asher spent the day with his best bud, Kylie, while Macie and I drove Zeke up to Williston to stay with their dad. It was my first time trekking that drive and my gosh, it wasn't the most fun. We hugged and kissed Zeke goodbye and Macie and I headed back home.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduwck1cUNBNulNmVF4snC7X8gkYSnoohVTk6fUjE4HunQb-tM6FWSQbxwR_6ES5GYFAbfdtCM6-DOwMHd3PwInv6ESXlFNKMhT5MChqMjqi3mv3Dtqe0pfOsZMvyP6PgQxl1z8_FW1ow/s1600/Sky1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgduwck1cUNBNulNmVF4snC7X8gkYSnoohVTk6fUjE4HunQb-tM6FWSQbxwR_6ES5GYFAbfdtCM6-DOwMHd3PwInv6ESXlFNKMhT5MChqMjqi3mv3Dtqe0pfOsZMvyP6PgQxl1z8_FW1ow/s320/Sky1.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIdsAOwvnt3vJzkAb1670IKr7e-imb67mYHLmuFSbMkC-zdbKLt86uSrdSvOpsM5oJRJuw0lt4VQsBbNzDw2m_sbxcrm3ajceihJJb1-UMMLmfzFzkyVeQKDJZ6dnOzGuaYNXjRBt2BU/s1600/Sky2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjIdsAOwvnt3vJzkAb1670IKr7e-imb67mYHLmuFSbMkC-zdbKLt86uSrdSvOpsM5oJRJuw0lt4VQsBbNzDw2m_sbxcrm3ajceihJJb1-UMMLmfzFzkyVeQKDJZ6dnOzGuaYNXjRBt2BU/s320/Sky2.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Filter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am so in-love with North Dakota it's not even funny. Where I once struggled finding beauty and community, I am now surrounded in it. After visiting my sis in Mass (where I lived as a child) and driving through 8 states, it just confirmed my love for where I'm at.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I went to the walk-in Saturday night as I had this nasty phlegm cough. Doctor said my lungs were clear and it appears to either be a cold (no, all was clear) or allergies. She suggested Zyrtec and Mucinex. Ms. Anti-Pharma me went straight to CVS for said meds. I just didn't want anything to delay surgery...again. Surgery the first time got delayed a couple of times due to illness. I sent out mass texts asking for prayers of healing. Sunday wasn't looking too hopeful.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFPV7dj4PApOQQtNUd6N69-XvGPmyjbrjBiF6mRZlLRoU6i94L06fGIqwXuW293nU3nHX1Q8rVyaf6JOfXICIXit4ug4H9IQx_EZDTStDVa_dirfHDif1nChhm0h3c5Pe5pIw1NO0Q53M/s1600/flounder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="321" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFPV7dj4PApOQQtNUd6N69-XvGPmyjbrjBiF6mRZlLRoU6i94L06fGIqwXuW293nU3nHX1Q8rVyaf6JOfXICIXit4ug4H9IQx_EZDTStDVa_dirfHDif1nChhm0h3c5Pe5pIw1NO0Q53M/s320/flounder.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">Sunday night Ash and Macie camped out in the living room with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Sunday night I spoke with the OR department who didn't sound hopeful about the surgery happening, but she told me to call first thing in the morning and they'd page my doctor. So, 7:15am I called and made sure they knew I was coming from three hours west so I would need an answer soon in order to be to the hospital by 12 for my 2:30pm surgery (I was supposed to have the first surgery of the day but that's a huge other story but it's funny how God works things out anyways).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">The anesthesiologist called me (Dr. Bob?) and basically his only concern was if there were asthma or fever, and since there were neither, surgery was on! I dropped Asher and Macie off with Fallon's daughter, Brenda and her aunt picked me up from my apartment and Fargo bound we were!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I was nervous. We got to the hospital a little after 12. It's funny how every hospital does things differently, but that's ok. After I signed in, they called me back quickly. I changed and went through a lot of the process with Brenda by my side. I shared fears, I cried. I tried clinging to Scripture and Christian lyrics. I posted much on Facebook during the wait! Ultimately, Dr. Bob came in, he was nice, friendly old man. We chatted about surgery, about family things, he was so kind. I could tell he was a Christian. Well, he's a pic of my Facebook status - it's a bit all over the place but explains what happened.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixea86ev6CNmNNzu6j4OGkbhwlo1ykevTLz-_QGtJO3nKhmqt-iYFCRf3WoRAclYICUly8LQbwsFU26qHFPpnsPevx03sdXTwtPnzUXQ_CshSl-ybqbYWPmDdHbWmCUQd2OA8Zgd73mtI/s1600/Bob.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="571" data-original-width="571" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixea86ev6CNmNNzu6j4OGkbhwlo1ykevTLz-_QGtJO3nKhmqt-iYFCRf3WoRAclYICUly8LQbwsFU26qHFPpnsPevx03sdXTwtPnzUXQ_CshSl-ybqbYWPmDdHbWmCUQd2OA8Zgd73mtI/s320/Bob.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I hope to never forget Dr. Bob. Father of 4, former surgeon who has had 25 of his own surgeries, whose wife is in Europe right now with their daughter the professional dancer, who used to vacation in a cabin in the snowy hills of Colorado. It's amazing how God places people in our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Dr. Terrell came in and was kind as always. I believe I am truly blessed with the best doctors this time around.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They had the operating room ready an hour early, so they wheeled me off. I cried along the way, and the OR nurse came out and asked if I need a mama hug, then proceeded to give me one. She said, "There! There's a mama hug and a grandmama hug." She had a sweet southern accent which I'll always treasure. There were only a few nurses in the OR room but they were all so kind as I hopped onto the operating table and they did whatever they did that knocked me out. I woke up in recovery after being there for an hour. I was thristy as all get out. I just kept asking for more and more water, but I never fell back asleep. After awhile I just asked for Brenda. After a total of about 2.5 hours in recovery, they wheeled me to my room and stopped by and grabbed Brenda. She said surgery took awhile because the doctor worked hard to find and isolate the nerves as to not cause damage to them. She then said that the surgery went well and they believe they got everything. Praise the Lord. She and her aunt then left as it was late (7 something or 8 at night) and it was Brenda's birthday, no less, and so they went out for supper with her daughters that live in Fargo and then spent the night at her daughter's. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I was very much so awake that entire night, sleeping only 15-30 minute increments. I'm still amazed at how alert I was; I anticipated being more sleepy. But I'm thankful I was able to call the kids and tell them I love them. I don't believe the nurse kept up on my pain meds, so I was in a bit of pain. I made the assumption pain med would be given when due, that I wouldn't have to ask, but I think she had the other impression. The next morning, Dr. Terrell stopped by and upped my med and there was nurse change and I feel like pain was managed better at that point. Also, Dr. Terrell made the decision to keep me another night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Brenda visited briefly Tuesday morning, but left to give me rest. I did not rest, again, but I think the pain meds kept me awake. I mostly colored and watched TV. Dr. Terrell's assistant visited me over the lunch hour and then Dr. Terrell came back in the evening. See?! Good care! Apparently Fargo got a rough storm that night that I knew nothing off (we are in a bad drought). I was one thing of lightning and that was it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Wednesday morning, the assistant came in again and tried taking out my drain tube but was unsuccessful. Dr. Terrell ended up removing it. I cried because it hurt and the reality of what if the pathology report comes back worse than initially thought?! This is what happened last time. I'm tired of false hope just to be let down. They offered letting me stay longer...they wanted me to meet with someone in Oncology...but I told them we had to go home, Brenda had already missed so much work for me, plus I had a counseling appointment that afternoon. Remember the oncology nurse I met with weeks prior from Roger Maris? She stopped by again as well. She decided to make an appointment for me with someone in oncology the day of my post op. Part of me loves being in the hospital and all the extra help, but another part of me was ready to get home and hopefully get sleep. Fallon picked up some Motrin PM and I took that along with my anti-anxiety med that night and for the first time in days, I slept.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Asher and Macie transferred to Jen's house Tuesday night. I have worked with two of her sweet daughters (McKayla & Katelyn). She has been amazing and so caring. She brought them by Wednesday for a quick visit, and then Katelyn brought them by Thursday so I could see them again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">By Friday, I was still dealing with dizziness/lightheadedness, so I Called the ENT who suggested I go have my blood pressure taken. I went to see Amanda at Lifeways and at first it was high, but then they took it three more times (laying, sitting, standing) and it was normal. They took blood and urine and said she would call me over the weekend with results.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Well, that evening I felt like I was coming down with a fever (mind you this was the day my kids were supposed to come home!). Zeke just got dropped off from his dad's, and McKayla swung by with a thermometer and according to that my temp was 100.5 I called the nurse line who recommended I go to the ER. McKayla and her boyfriend dropped me off at the ER and brought Zeke back to Jen's. Basically, I did not have a fever, but my blood pressure was SO high and my heart rate was SO high, that they had other concerns (I now believe this was due to an upset with something totally different but that's not important now). The doctor came in and started talking blood clots in my chest because of the coughing, dizziness and heart rate. He wanted to do a CT scan. I WAS BEYOND SCARED. I cried like a baby and called Brenda to come to the hospital. Jen even came without me having to ask. Brenda encouraged me to have more faith in God. I cried the entire time they wheeled me to CT. I had to wait a few minutes outside the room and all I could do was say "Jesus" over and over and over. The CT happened and this time the IV didn't bust.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Jen and Brenda helped me laughing and entertained in the room while we waited. All my labs came back good, including calcium (which is a concern with thyroid surgery). The doctor came in and high-fived me; no blood clots. By the time we left, it was 10pm, Macie was asleep and they both encouraged me to go home and sleep and let the kids stay at Jen's.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Saturday (this morning), my sister gave me a good ole lecture on why I need rest to heal so I can be there for the kids. So I reached out to Jen to see if the kids could stay through the weekend, but that I did want to see them for a few hours today. She agreed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I took my kids for a few hours. We drove to Verizon so I could return their Gizmo's which didn't end up working at all. Then came home, played, ate and watched TV.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">We also opened a box from our friends, the Isbell's, back in Georgia. They got together with two other families from our Cub Scout troop in GA (the Seeks & McGowans) and put together a sweet care package with fun games, cards, gift cards. It came at the perfect time as I'm struggling with feeling loved and then this sweet reminder comes in to remind me there are people 1600 miles away who love and care for us deeply. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I cannot emphasize the gratitude I have. I cannot repay what all has been done for us. I do look forward to treasuring this within my heart and pouring it into someone else.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am learning to surrender to God during this season. I do not know all the why's and reason's but I am learning to let-go of my control and surrender to Him and what He is doing in the midst of it all. Surrender is the theme of this season. I may continue to wrestle as I sadly attempt control, but may He gently remind me of Who is in control and He plans are always greater than mine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Final update from July appointment with endocrinologist:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-15523049348572153392017-05-05T22:21:00.000-04:002017-05-05T22:24:11.891-04:00Easter Trip To Bozeman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Friday April 14th - Monday April 17th, 2017</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Easter weekend</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, I did something crazy; I took my kids on a surprise trip to Bozeman, Montana! See, we've never been to Bozeman, let alone Montana and we live too close to not visit...the kids had a long weekend off from school...I got the time off of work...I thought it being a surprise would add to it. Looking back, I may not do the total surprise thing (I packed and loaded the car the night before and did not tell the kids until we were on the interstate!), they deserve to know so they can process, but nevertheless, it was a fun trip. I am grateful that a single mama like myself was able to bless my kids with this little getaway! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bozeman is about 7.5 hours from us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No joke, I literally pulled off the interstate to take these pics. Can ya blame me?!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYPMCfLBekfwoDYpDcVQZ2nJd-hhxMDubxO2X-VYLVJhsNFf3PN4a2Qylwc7KcT26XiFJrj3qyVoC_E-RpJYQJ3X4Ws2BnYk4FkImlQS62HhNRcMNFkSgM-gF5FT2FymAfCH7vtwMgGCo/s1600/17903529_10158528171385494_5423666973837480314_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYPMCfLBekfwoDYpDcVQZ2nJd-hhxMDubxO2X-VYLVJhsNFf3PN4a2Qylwc7KcT26XiFJrj3qyVoC_E-RpJYQJ3X4Ws2BnYk4FkImlQS62HhNRcMNFkSgM-gF5FT2FymAfCH7vtwMgGCo/s320/17903529_10158528171385494_5423666973837480314_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This made us giggle since we used to live in (a) Forsyth county. We also passed a sign for Dawson (another name of a neighboring county we lived by in the past).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Welcome to Bozeman! Though I believe this pic was actually taken when we left. ;)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Have I ever shared my love of mountains?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The kiddos enjoyed the pool after a long ride in the car! They enjoyed swimming a </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bit every day we were there (minus the day we left).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The time change (central to mountain) kind of messed us up; we were all up by 5am! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Our first morning there we awoke to snow!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bozeman is a cute little town for sure!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Two of the grizzlies at this encounter are actually from Georgia! Sweet little things like this meant so much to my kids, who repeatedly answered, "Where are you guys from?" with, "Georgia" even though we haven't resided there in almost 4 years! Macie (and almost Asher) have lived most of their lives in another state at this point, yet Georgia will always be their home!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Easter mornin' family selfie. :) We found a little church to visit. Asher and Macie both wanted to attend Sunday school which surpised me a tad being they're unfamiliar with this church, but hey, whatever floats your boat, kiddos!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Easter Sunday we went exploring! We felt especially grateful to spend a such a special holiday in God's gorgeous creation!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Monday morning meant back to reality...I don't think any of us wanted to leave!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Drive through the mountains.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My faves. Taken the day we arrived.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thank You, Father, for providing and allowing this amazing trip with my little family! <3</span></div>
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<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-26777628179269643872017-03-22T00:51:00.000-04:002017-03-22T00:51:04.758-04:00Asher's 9th Birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Asher's Birthday Party</div>
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Saturday March 18th, 2017</div>
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1:30pm</div>
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Gymnastics party!</div>
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Random pictures of the party...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0v9HVOI0WIfzg7gE486C1Qb5T08uzoR8AJMX44WtLSXzUlf4OVUrzEJsTTEZ9BE6lHKt58HqI3PGUtMo0yQMSd7ZASv_tpTafjpiwA0_osCgmJi6lO2Ratk0upr1Y7vV8nyViCI4Otlw/s1600/17353272_10158388190555494_463285003788160208_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0v9HVOI0WIfzg7gE486C1Qb5T08uzoR8AJMX44WtLSXzUlf4OVUrzEJsTTEZ9BE6lHKt58HqI3PGUtMo0yQMSd7ZASv_tpTafjpiwA0_osCgmJi6lO2Ratk0upr1Y7vV8nyViCI4Otlw/s320/17353272_10158388190555494_463285003788160208_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Y'all, I forgot the candles. CAN YOU BELIEVE? I finally remember party bags and everything, and I forgot the dang candles! I felt so bad! But Ash was such a good sport about it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Macie even got a gift from Asher's friend, Kylie, for her birthday.</span></div>
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We did another gymnastics themed party. There aren't many choices around here, especially this time of the year, and this is a great way for kids to run around and let out energy. I was panicking because for whatever reason, I was late in getting invites out. They were sent out Tuesday and his party was Saturday. Thankfully, he had a GREAT turn out! Asher had a lot of fun and that is what matters! Afterwards, he played at Kylie's house for a few hours, then she came back home with us for a sleepover.</div>
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Asher's 9th Birthday</div>
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Monday March 20th, 2017</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">That sweet baby pic really makes my ovaries hurt! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">He wanted me to post this comparison pic instead. Aw!</span></div>
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Oh my Asher baby! Where has the time gone?! I cannot believe he is 9! I requested the evening off so I could spend time with him. Afterschool he enjoyed a cupcake and played. He wanted Applebee's for dinner so we did that. I am so grateful for this fella. Here's what I posted on Facebook:</div>
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<div style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
"9 years ago today, Asher John came into the world. Born 3 weeks early, he was my biggest baby. He came into this world silent, not even a wimper. Once roughed around, he gave one "wahh" before going back sleep. This child slept through the night, basically from the start. He was the most easy going and happy baby you've ever met.</div>
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Asher has the sweetest disposition. He is a sensitive boy, always feeling for others before himself. He is wise beyond his years. He is so flippin' <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">smart too, he teaches me things! Asher will randomly hug me, will tell me how beautiful I am. He builds me, his siblings and friends up and encourages us. He is so full of energy and strength, yet so gentle and sweet.</span></div>
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With each child, I grew spiritually and received a different message. With Ash, that message was forgiveness. I experienced the forgiveness of God in a tangible way during his pregnancy. I experienced grace, mercy and pure joy in a new way. I will never forget how faithful God was during Asher's pregnancy and delivery.</div>
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Anyways. I am so grateful for this not-so-little guy. To say I am proud of him would be an understatement.</div>
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Happy Birthday, Ash! I love you like a fat kid loves cake"</div>
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<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-11769473339367676992017-03-20T01:06:00.000-04:002017-03-20T01:06:51.393-04:00Zeke's 13th Birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Zeke's 13th Birthday<br />
Friday, February 24th 2017<br />
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It is hard to believe my first born is officially a teenager! Donuts for breakfast with birthday card and birthday money (that's all he wanted!). Off to school. After school, I was able to stay home (usually close at work). He wanted to go to Game Stop and eat take out at home. </div>
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The Party at Sky Zone</div>
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Saturday, February 25th 2017</div>
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Party went well. He had several close friends show up. I love Zeke's friends; they are some good kids! The party went well; the service was great! They got to play for an hour, I believe, then pizza and cake. Zeke then spent the night at Aiden's.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-61810537442143026442017-03-06T01:58:00.002-05:002017-03-06T02:07:54.507-05:00Macie's 6th Birthday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Thursday February 16th, 2017</div>
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Macie's 6th Birthday</div>
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Sweet girl woke up and opened presents. Asher played a happy birthday song on the computer. She brought cupcakes to school for her class (she also had spring pics and a field trip that day!), I came by for lunch and we went outside. That afternoon, she requested to go swimming so we did at the Y. She wanted Burger King for dinner, followed by cupcakes at home.</div>
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Natalie got to spend the night before Macie's party!</div>
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Saturday February 18th, 2017</div>
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Macie's Birthday Party</div>
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Macie had a blast at her gymnastics party with all her sweet friends!</div>
<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-40608692016760946312017-03-06T01:45:00.003-05:002017-03-06T01:45:57.532-05:00Asher's Pinewood Derby Race<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Pinewood Derby Race</div>
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January 2017</div>
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Life has been hectic and this should've been posted a month ago! This was the first year Asher had a hand in making his racer; last year we reused an old one. This year, I bought the stuff and asked Asher's big bro, Preston, if he'd like to help Asher. Preston and his wife even came out and supported Asher through the race! It was a lot of fun, I enjoyed getting to know Preston and his wife, and I am grateful for his support!</div>
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<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-66074903971121626212017-01-22T23:53:00.002-05:002017-01-22T23:53:18.667-05:00Sweet MomentsJanuary 12th, 2017<br />
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I was 15 years old when I had Zeke. 15 years old. I am not exaggerating when I say it is by the grace of God that both he and I survived those first early years.</div>
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Over the course of his life thus far, I have worried and stressed over if I was doing a good enough job. Was I being the best mom I could be? Was his life somewhat less than because he was born to teen?</div>
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I didn't want my son to become another statistic. I didn't want him to struggle with confidence, self-worth, or f<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">eeling loved.</span></div>
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Tonight he had to fill out a survey for the Big Brother program. This was something he had to do on his own, I took no part in it.</div>
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They asked questions about school, friends, relationships with parents and other adults. Once he finished filling it out, I did what any mom would do and I read his answers. <span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v7/f57/1/16/1f609.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /><span class="_7oe" style="display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0px; width: 0px;">😉</span></span></div>
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Here, in his own writing, his responses to these questions BLOW MY MIND. Confidence, friends, feeling loved, feeling supported - all things positive and good, all these things I have been stressing over since pregnancy with him - y'all, my boy is happy. He knows he is loved. He knows he is smart. He has friends, he has healthy relationships with adults. And despite divorce, he knows his parents accept him and love him.</div>
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Zeke is good. And I am doing an alright job at being his mom. And reading that survey tonight was confirmation of it. God has been so good to take care of my boy (& the other two<span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v7/f57/1/16/1f609.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /><span class="_7oe" style="display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0px; width: 0px;">😉</span></span>). We've come up against a lot but my boy is thriving. And for that I am so grateful to God. <span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v7/f6c/1/16/2764.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /></span></div>
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<span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">January 22nd, 2017</span></span></div>
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<span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;">I asked Zeke what he thinks his spiritual gift is and before he could answer Macie chimed in, "Me! I am a gift from God." (That's her names meaning.) <span class="_5mfr _47e3" style="line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v7/fd0/1/16/1f602.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /></span></span></div>
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Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-57603972694065200402017-01-19T00:49:00.001-05:002017-01-19T00:49:29.405-05:00Your Voice<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What are you using your voice for?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We all have the ability to use our voice, our influence for something.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am a seeker of all things truth. And sometimes my pursuits and beliefs rock the boat because they don't line up with popular belief. And that's okay. At this point I am used to (and okay with) standing alone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As long as I have air in my lungs, I will use what influence I have to share truth, on whatever topic it may be on. </span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-54032592118304998922017-01-03T23:01:00.002-05:002017-01-03T23:02:01.905-05:00A Sweet Reminder From A Faithful God<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Happiness isn't only about thinking in new ways, it's about acting in new ways."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"Happiness is a combination of God's help and taking a new approach, God does His part as we do our part. We need to start up new habits that lead to happiness. Don't look over the horizon for something good that might happen someday, somehow. Look at your life today, and do specific and simple things that can cause happiness to well up within you more."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">- both quotes from Jud Whilhite</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-56890009100420817522017-01-01T22:27:00.001-05:002017-01-01T22:36:49.344-05:00The Plan<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Alrighty folks, here we go!</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You will probably see a lot of this meme this year. It will serve as a reminder. I love this picture, over looking the Missouri River one September evening in 2015...hahaha.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyways. I have decided to give a go with a ketogenic diet. I can't even reminder when I first heard of this - it may have been a year or so (maybe more, maybe less) ago. It struck me as fascinating and made a lot of sense. It seems to have health benefits for those with hormone issues (hello, have you heard my story? lol). The ketogenic (keto for short) diet is a diet that</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> is low-carb and high-fat. The reduction in carbs puts your body in a metabolic state called ketosis. </span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Ketosis</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> is a metabolic process that occurs when the body </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">does</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> not have enough glucose for energy. Stored fats are broken down for energy, resulting in a build-up of acids called ketones within the body. (<--- word for word taken from Google) Basically, your body uses stored fat for energy</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">There are many benefits to a keto diet!</span></span><br />
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<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cholesterol</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Weight loss</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Blood sugar</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Energy</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hunger </span></li>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">More indepth info on all the above <a href="http://www.ruled.me/guide-keto-diet" target="_blank">here</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I intend on getting much (if not all) recipes from <a href="http://www.healthfulpursuit.com/" target="_blank">Healthful Pursuit</a>. Her story really inspired me. She was having hormone issues, had low estrogen, doctors wanted to put her on birth control, but through this diet her estrogen levels have gone to normal. You all know I have Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) and my hope is still to achieve remission one day, so her story was way encouraging.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Speaking of POF, I have been back on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for about a month now. Hot flashes have stopped, I am sleeping better and am feeling more like a normal person. Currently, the plan is to stick with HRT for the time being. The goal is still remission, but that will require really working on healing my body (hence, part of my drive for this year).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Real quick - back to Healthful Pursuit, another reason why I like her recipes is because they're more paleo style - meaning, no or little dairy. Though dairy is high in good fat, personally I feel like my body does better when I have little to no dairy in my diet. Which I am not thrived about because I love dairy. I am not saying I'm swearing it off forever, but for right now, I need to definitely cut back...a lot!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The goal is to stick with the keto diet through the end of March. Come that time, reevaluate and go from there. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Something else I'm going to implement with the keto diet is intermittent fasting. I really want to encourage you to look up the health benefits of this.</span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting changes the function of cells, genes and hormones.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting can help you lose weight and belly fat.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting can reduce insulin resistance, lowering your risk of type 2 diabetes.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting can reduce oxidative stress and inflammation in the body.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting may be beneficial for heart health.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting induces various cellular repair process.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting may help prevent cancer.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting is good for your brain.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Intermittent fasting may help prevent Alzheimer's disease.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">All this with explanation of each benefit on <a href="http://www.authoritynutrition.com/10-health-benefits-of-intermittent-fasting" target="_blank">Authority Nutrition</a>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have read about all the different kinds of intermittent fasting you can do...I have in mind what I would like to do, but am not for certain. This may be a thing of trial and error. I would love to commit the month of January to intermittent fasting, but right now let's just focus on Tuesday January 3 through Sunday January 8. ;)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As you can see, both keto diet and intermittent fasting have extreme health benefits. In addition, weight loss is a side effect. I am excited and do need weight loss, but I don't want to get so caught up with numbers on a scale. The goal is health. Real, true inside-out health and healing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Exercise. I have not been to body pump since November. I first missed because I was sick, then the kids, then babysitting, then scouts, then I just didn't feel like it. With the holidays, we have been extra busy. But I do have weights at home. Ugh. But I paid for my gym membership through April! I would love to get back in the gym. Life is hectic with work, college, kids and all their activities, but the goal I am aiming for is...working out 5 days a week. I can do this. I can do this. <b>I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the spiritual front, the goal is to have God time every day. Perhaps waking up a bit earlier. I desperately need more alone time with Him. Mornings are hard for me, but it seems the more the day goes on, the more excuses I come up with.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the mental/emotional: Learning to stop saying "I'm sorry" for every little thing. (Of course I am not talking about if I did something wrong and need to apologize, then of course I will!) Going to work on putting a positive spin on things...on situations and incidences...and not be so hard on myself for falling short.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think that is it for now. I plan to update regularly throughout the month. I took measurements tonight, so will be tracking that. Hold me accountable, folks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thanks for reading this novel! :-p </span></div>
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Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-19022136764765772282017-01-01T17:06:00.000-05:002017-01-01T17:06:27.376-05:00New Years Eve 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">New Years Eve </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Saturday December 31st, 2016</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">We started off the evening at church. I volunteered at the New Here Booth for the 5 o'clock service. Zeke stayed home and slept because he went to a sleepover the night before and they stayed up all night. He was quite exhausted! We got to babysit my co-worker's daughter, Amarrah, overnight. She is such a good baby and it's a nice treat for Macie who desperately wants a sister. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I made supper, we had a few decorations and a couple of board games. Zeke had a hard time staying awake, as did Asher. Macie outlasted them all. She and I played Chutes and Ladders - she won. We also played Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader and I won. Macie fell asleep shortly after. By 11, everyone was asleep so I washed dishes then went off to bed myself. Haha.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This year is THE YEAR, folks. Ain't no way around it. Big and wonderful changes WILL take place. The impossible is possible in 2017. ;)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Happy New Year, y'all!</span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-54648310047248198042016-12-31T13:49:00.001-05:002016-12-31T13:49:38.341-05:00When I Look At This Picture...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq45An0frbDo3EoRQ6wMTqRjfGP6VHSRhJNBgFDzrZ82lPB78Xv8BtsEbRnFtgOpcbzADc5jVfD30MES9pBXtshe4Kz3rig9kKvBXvMerV8i3H19G6zkwJpiHnI-h4VFtogNP6GObNsOI/s1600/2011-10-15_15-49-16_184.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhq45An0frbDo3EoRQ6wMTqRjfGP6VHSRhJNBgFDzrZ82lPB78Xv8BtsEbRnFtgOpcbzADc5jVfD30MES9pBXtshe4Kz3rig9kKvBXvMerV8i3H19G6zkwJpiHnI-h4VFtogNP6GObNsOI/s1600/2011-10-15_15-49-16_184.jpg" /></a></div>
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When I look at this pic, I see the stay-at-home mother and wife who extended breastfed, co-slept and loved all things natural and organic. I see a women who loved to serve her family, desired to homeschool - but in the meanwhile, was active in her son's (public) schooling. This woman was constantly praying, reading and seeking wise counsel so to be the best mother, wife, friend and person humanly possible. This woman had dreams of more children, homebirths, and sharing facts <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: inherit;">on breastfeeding and vaccines.</span></div>
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Having realized trying to create a happy home within in the context of an angry, abusive man is in fact, NOT the will of God, this woman had to leave for the safety and wellbeing of her children, and herself. Being thrown into a whole new lifestyle of single parenting; working, going back to school, while meeting all the emotional and physical needs of three kids alone has left her...exhausted. Organic food? A rarity these day. Co-sleeping? Ugh, I'll just take the couch. Quality time for prayers and book reading? I've been reading the same book since July.</div>
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This picture breaks my heart. I feel like I lost her somehow.</div>
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May 2017 bring a new season of...balance. Of finding one's identity. Of restoration...and of hope. <span class="_47e3 _5mfr" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 0; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle;" title="heart emoticon"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://www.facebook.com/images/emoji.php/v6/f6c/1/16/2764.png" style="border: 0px; vertical-align: -3px;" width="16" /><span aria-hidden="1" class="_7oe" style="display: inline-block; font-family: inherit; font-size: 0px; width: 0px;"><3</span></span></div>
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Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-6297438160307327852016-12-31T13:43:00.002-05:002016-12-31T13:43:37.741-05:00Becoming me<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Again, not so much a resolution as a permanent change.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have said before my default is negative...towards myself. See, I can be hopeful, positive and believe the best for anyone except me. I wholeheartedly believe it has to do with the almost 27-years of abuse endured by both parents and spouse. The lies pounded in my head over and over and over again. And this mindset has affected both relationships and my health. So I am done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2017 will be my last full year in my 20s. I do not want to enter my 30s the way I've been in my 20s. I want to gain physical health and habits, as well as emotional and mental health and habits.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know some things about me, things I like, how I like to treat people, views on topics, etc. but my unhealthy habits have created a hindrance in my growth. I am ready to find out who I am really and also, to fully become me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>2017 will be the year the impossible is possible.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In my current way of thinking, the lose of weight, and gain of healthy eating and thinking habits feels so impossible...so I become discouraged and end up self-harming over again. But not anymore. I am going to set goals and write in here regularly for accountability sake. With God and friends by my side, this year will be a game changer.</span></div>
Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-20109338671573659962016-12-31T13:41:00.000-05:002016-12-31T13:41:06.259-05:00A Change In 2017<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know people are all about New Years resolutions and everything but this isn't like that. I need some<span style="font-size: large;"> real life style changes</span>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Like with my thoughts. Really work on taking my thoughts captive. I tend to be so negative and assume the worst (for me, not for others). I know the way I lived for almost 27 years has had an affect on this. The abuse, the fight-or-flight mode, it beat me down. Wore me out. But God is bigger. And I want to be HEALED of the way I think of myself, speak to myself, the way I react to others and to situations.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My eating. It is out of control. And maybe that's just it; a <i>control</i> issue. I am not quite sure. But my eating is unhealthy in what I eat (typically) and the amount of which I consume. This also contributes to fear of health problems because of the guilt of knowing better and yet not acting on it. I believe our bodies can tolerate a lot of mistreatment, but we all have our breaking point and I am finally seeing my body reaching that point. Where things were once not issues, they are now. Heart burn...to upset stomach. I have had some form of stomach bug 4 times this year. 4 times within an 8 month period. And only one time did A & M get sick as well (Z never did). It makes me go back to question my eating. Am I eating myself sick?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are so many things I want to achieve that seem impossible for me. (This goes back to my mindset and taking thoughts captive.) What was helpful was passing my MOS certification. That felt so impossible! But it happened. And it was a small taste of what else I can accomplish that may feel impossible. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So this year, may I focus on what feels impossible (becoming HEALTHY in & out) and make it a reality. This will be my last year in my 20s and I surely do not want to enter my 30s where I am currently.</span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-34685220862886608362016-12-26T22:45:00.001-05:002016-12-26T22:45:27.213-05:00Christmas Blizzard 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's our fourth winter in NoDak and finally we got a "bad" storm! Well, actually, this is the third storm this month! They said we were due for a bad winter and so far the predictions have been right! We have already had 3 snow days at work (and kids' school), and tomorrow will be our 4th work snow day! It was a blizzard with 54MPH in some places, and we got 12.5" snow (while other places got 22"!). Major interstates have been closed and there is a no travel advisory issued. Christmas night we even had thunder snow which I had never heard of before. That is thunder and lightning with heavy snow - it's a rare occurrence! Let's see how long it takes to dig us outta here! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Craziness!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hard to push open apartment door leading outside. Neighbor & I shoveled from Christmas night; snow came up to half way up the door. In the morning, there was more snow half way up the door again!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">It's a struggle!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Window (from inside).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Climbing!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">My car!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Driver side of my car.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Zeke in the front.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Middle of parking lot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">My car!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Front passenger side of my car!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">The start of it...Christmas evening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Notice how high the snow drift is in the background; coming to top of fence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Snow drift in front of the building.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Front steps.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Middle of parking lot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Windows almost completely covered.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLDj9k60tp_6vsdLh4cD2x8wYESz_eClnQBJCikZ35LYFXBi4PnBc2eSaem2qo-gE4sV2jRcpsyKip9e1oyQeD6TyNh2UyHuo3L3gvg5TKgqMALumglD0Ox0o3TzUP4d-K7wYgCO1f8H4/s1600/15781399_10157969637060494_1133309764685614957_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLDj9k60tp_6vsdLh4cD2x8wYESz_eClnQBJCikZ35LYFXBi4PnBc2eSaem2qo-gE4sV2jRcpsyKip9e1oyQeD6TyNh2UyHuo3L3gvg5TKgqMALumglD0Ox0o3TzUP4d-K7wYgCO1f8H4/s320/15781399_10157969637060494_1133309764685614957_n.jpg" width="177" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">How high/deep the snow is in the middle of our parking lot!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Do not believe these pics do justice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span id="goog_1523210097"></span><span id="goog_1523210098"></span>This is a vehicle here in town that is completely covered with snow!</span></div>
Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-20173125815645843802016-12-26T22:27:00.000-05:002016-12-26T22:27:58.713-05:00Christmas 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Christmas Eve</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Saturday Decemeber 24th, 2016</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Christmas Eve service at church.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">This fella is so smart. He started to read out of the book of Pslams, then had me read it, followed by him explaining to me what it meant and then applying it to a situation that happened earlier that day. <3 Wise beyond his years!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">We went to look at Christmas lights after church.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Christmas Day</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sunday December 25th, 2016</span></div>
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These kids! They woke me up at 4am! NO JOKE! I didn't go to bed until after midnight...two of them came to wake me up...I thought it was maybe 6am...I was so tired I could not open my eyes. They were asking to open gifts, I said they had to wait until brother woke up - AND DO NOT WAKE HIM UP...they went away briefly then all three returned by 4:30am to open gifts! I was so delirious! I remember talking to them about helping keep the house clean, then reading from Luke 2...we may have prayed. I was so tired, guys, everything feels like a blur. They opened gifts then I sent them to their room and I went back to bed! LOL! It was a lazy day all-in-all. I made them biscuits, eggs, bacon for breakfast and lasagna for supper. We got a blizzard that would end up going through the next day. Here in town we got 12.5". Snow drifts are crazy high in some spots; over the hood of my car! The roads are awful that there is still a no travel advisory...and work is cancelled for Tuesday. But anyways. Kids were very blessed this Christmas. Thankful for Christ and time with my kids! <3 GOD IS GOOD!Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-12092914747402338362016-12-13T22:40:00.001-05:002016-12-13T22:40:23.289-05:00Finals<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For what I am about to share, I praise God and wholly give Him credit for His grace and strength.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">'15-'16 I went back to college full time. Spring semester proved hard with full time work, 3 kids and a full course load. In all honesty, my heart wasn't fully in it and I had additional distractions. Part of my lack of interest in school had to do with my major; AA Administrative Assistant. I chose it originally because I'd be able to attend classes online so it wouldn't affect work. I also chose it because of job security - and as a single mom, that means a lot.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">With less than ideal grades, I had to appeal to keep financial aid. I got it and decided to go back part time this semester; retaking a class I failed in the spring and also taking a family sociology class. I cut out some distractions and did my best to prioritize school. My grades have maintained A's & B's for the most part. The class I had to retake has been by the far the hardest and most challenging; a computer class, a Word class. I ended up with a low A in sociology; and getting a 90% on my final. Wow! That was a first.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Today was my final for the other class. I was beyond nervous especially considering I didn't do so well on my last assignment and my grade is in the low 80's (typically I'd say is good but I really want and need to do the best possible to maintain financial aid). The final for this class is actually a Word certification exam; you need a 700 to pass and get the certification. Now, whatever grade you do get on the exam, divide by 700 and that is your "final" grade for class. Make sense? The certification is not required to pass the class, but is a bonus especially for the work field.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I took the day off from work (as Tuesdays are my short day already) and I wasn't sure how long the exam would take. I first met with my advisor...this semester I truly realized my love for social work (which was my major years ago) and my grades this semester reflect that. I want to do social work because that is where my heart is and I'm going to trust God with the rest (figuring out school & work, providing the job, etc.). So I officially switched to the social work program...and changed my spring semester classes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was sharing with my advisor how terrified I was about the final I was about to take...so much riding on this exam...it will basically help determine whether I can go back next semester or not...she gave me some encouragement and a bendy stick thing to play with to help with anxiety. I was able to also practice/study a little bit before the exam.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I got a 673 out of 700. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">GOOD NEWS: I got a 96% on my final.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">BAD NEWS: Failed the certification exam, but am getting to retake in the morning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I cannot believe I got a 96 in my hardest class! God is good! I do hope to pass the certification tomorrow, but if not, I'm still have to give thanks for all the good that has happened thus far.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">God is good and I am excited to see what the future holds.</span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-86906732878659374022016-12-10T16:09:00.002-05:002016-12-11T16:57:38.895-05:00Invalid<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This word single handledly best describes how I feel.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When it comes to things with my ex, the abuse and neglect and the apparent unfaithfulness. Invalid. Did I ever fight back? <i>Well, yeah.</i> Invalid, Emma. Did he ever beat you so bad you ended up in the hospital? <i>No... </i>Invalid. Did you ever walk in on him with another woman? <i>I have not but - </i>Doesn't matter, Emma, invalid. My feelings that re-immerse (or that have never fully gone away) of anger towards him, invalid. The fact he doesn't visit the kids, invalid because afterall he does call. Or how about him not paying child support like he is supposed to? Invalid because he does send a little and there are other women who receive zero. Invalid across the board, Emma. Get over and get on with it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The sadness and ache in my heart over having premature ovarian failure/insufficiency, the frustrations of what this diagnosis means for my health and future. When I tell people about this diagnosis, then one day they ask me a question about my cycle or me having future kids - did you not hear what I said? The fact you didn't remember makes me feel <i>invalid</i>. The very real possibility of never having another child, invalid, because I have three already. The fact the Macie wants a sister, and I don't feel like my family is complete, or that I may have a future husband who wants a child with me and all this may never come to be...invalid. Get over it, Mace; go on and adopt, Em; he may never exist - move on with it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My body is far from perfect. And to have been rejected because of the imperfections of my body, hurts. But that's all invalid because at least I've had a relationship before - remember the marriage to my ex? And I'd probably still be in that marriage had I tried harder - right, friends? Because I have friends who have prayed their ways through rough times in their marriage and they came out on the other end. So obviously the failure is probably my fault in some way which makes my feelings invalid.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I opened up to you about the abuse of my past and you then suggest my abuser watch our kids so we can go out - <i>invalid</i>. Did you not just hear what I said?! Does my experience mean nothing? My feelings mean nothing? Or when you try to amend things with an estranged parent who was very much so your #1 abuser growing up, and the parent just cannot fully own up to what happened back then...says a brief, "I'm sorry" but then tries to act like nothing ever happened and y'all have been BFF's since forever and you're left like, "what just happened?" and it makes me feel...<i>invalid</i>. Afterall, that person can brush over what happened and I'm stuck in the pain and the consequences of their actions. Are my feelings valid?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When you don't agree (I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt and say you don't understand) my reasons, so you give me labels of which I am not - well, it leaves me feeling invalid. So I share my thoughts or feelings and you're basically telling me I am wrong, so invalid it is. And I shut down my thinking, my ways, and I build that wall higher. And you tell me to move because it would be better, but I want to make here my home but the pressure is all consuming and I know the lack of support I'll receive if I stand up for what I believe so I keep my mouth shut, because I am invalid. The decisions I make, invalid. Stupid, even. What was I thinking?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I speak up and use words to emphasize how I feel and I am told my words are dramatic which of course makes them one thing; invalid. How do you make someone take you seriously? I just want someone to acknowledge and stand in solidarity. </span>Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-46493104130907076402016-12-06T00:37:00.001-05:002016-12-06T00:37:19.087-05:00Asher's day on the ranch!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Saturday December 3rd, 2016</div>
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Asher's Big Brother took him to a ranch about 50 miles south of where we live to help clear snow and do "man stuff". You guys...I am so, so thankful for my boys' Bigs. They invest time in my boys which means so much considering their dad has basically abandoned my children. And since we have no family around, I am all the more appreciative of these men who volunteer to their time to invest in my sons!<br />
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Asher's Big is almost always doing something new, exciting and active with him - AND I LOVE IT! I love how he does "man" stuff with my boy! I love how he encourages Ash and always sees the bright side of things (thinking of Ash's experience in swim lessons that he signed him up for). And his wife is also great with Asher - he loves them both!<br />
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Zeke loves his Big as well. Though their agenda differs much from Ash's and his Big, Zeke's Big is still there for Zeke and even attended one of his soccer games! Both guys are so different, but that's not a bad thing at all. My boys treasure the time spent with them. They are both good guys!<br />
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I am just so happy for my boys. I love them both and I am so grateful to God for placing these men in their lives.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-17044729963866036882016-12-06T00:31:00.000-05:002016-12-06T00:31:49.799-05:00Macie lost her first tooth!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Sunday Dec. 4th, 2016</div>
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Macie lost her first tooth!</div>
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At only 5 years 9 months old, baby girl lost her first tooth! She is younger than her brothers were when they lost their first; the boys were both 6. Funny, five years ago today she got her second baby tooth in (12/4/11), having gotten her first baby tooth when she was 8 months (10/17/11), I remember these dates because she got her first tooth the day her cousin Lily was born and her second tooth on her uncle Caleb's birthday. She was older than my boys were when they got their first teeth; both my boys were 5 months old, Asher being a younger 5 month old than Zeke. I remember Zeke was early-mid August 2004 and Ash was late August 2008, having just turned 5 months.</div>
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She picked out gum instead of money under the pillow.<br />
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You guys...these days are going by fast! It seems only yesterday Macie was an infant, Asher a toddler and Zeke just a young fella in elementary school. My kids are growing up so, so fast. I wish time would slow down.Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2116642578627334222.post-76119125666463422302016-11-27T18:41:00.002-05:002016-11-27T18:41:54.033-05:00Thanksgiving 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thanksgiving </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thursday November 24th, 2016</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not the best pic of us, but the only one I have of us that day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We enjoyed the flurries we got that morning!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My boss, Krista, and her family invited us over for Thanksgiving. It was her and her husband two sons, and her in-laws. I brought homemade macaroni and chocolate chip cookies.</span><br />
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<br />Emmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02264026794306655678noreply@blogger.com0