Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Full of Thankfulness

I feel like I'm learning a lot about God's grace lately by the people He's placed in my life. From kind friends and small group members offering prayers and help for Macie and our family, to my kind friend, Farah, who didn't ask but rather took the initiative and brought us dinner our first night home from the hospital. And sweet, sweet Misty who has her hands full with 6 kids yet she stops by with a sweet note and two gift cards for dinner for our family so I won't have to cook. Also,my mentor, Anne, who went out of her way to stop by the hospital to see me and Macie.You may think these are little, no biggie type acts of kindness, but they mean so much more to me.. i feel so undeserving, yet He blesses me anyway.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Goosebumps! (still at hospital)

I've had a couple conversations now about how its almost easy to lose sight of God in situations like this because we put so much faith in doctors and their judgment and man-made medicines. I prayed about it because I want to keep things in perspective - God is the ultimate healer, doctors are His tools. So, as I was talking to Him I even asked for awareness of His presence. Shortly after, a chaplin for the hospital walked in! Talk about some goosebumps! We talked a little then he prayed for Macie. I feel so happy right now!!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

A stay at the hospital

Here it is 3:59am Sunday January 29th 2012 and I cannot sleep. I've been wanting to blog for some time now and I can't believe it's under these circumstances that I've been able to. I'm sitting here in Children's hospital with my 11-month-old, Macie, who has been admitted. Here's the story:

Wednesday evening Perry and I could tell Macie was coming down with a fever just by the touch. We gave her some Tylenol, summed it up as teething and that was that. Throughout the day on Thursday, her fever persisted, though. Her appeitate lessened. Hmmm. Something isn't right. Her temperature reached 103.9 that night.

Friday I canceled all activities. Macie slept on and off, didn't act herself, and fever of course persisted some more. At this point, she had pretty much stopped nursing (her main source of food), and wet diapers were becoming non-existent. At almost 3 her tempt was over 103 still. Thankfully, Perry came home early enough that we picked up Zeke from school and headed straight to Children's Hospital's urgent care in our town.

It was the most sad thing. They took blood from my sweet baby girl AND did a catheter! She looked at me like, "Why, mom?! Why?!?" I cannot to stand to see my kids in any kind of pain or discomfort. Even if I know it's to ultimately help them, it's just hard to bear. 

They found something in her urine but said that had to do with her not eating. Then, her white blood cell count was high. They gave her an antibiotic shot, said to come back Saturday and Sunday for another one and that by then the blood culture will be back with the exacts of whatever is going on. MEANWHILE, if she continues to refuse to nurse and has a lack of wet diapers, take her to the ER for an IV of fluids!

We got home and she just laid there. All lethargic and stuff. I couldn't stand it. We ended up dropping the boys off with my mother in law and took Macie to the hospital in the city. It was insanely crowded and the whole thing took forever. They ended up taken more blood (and a rectal temp - c'mon y'all, with today's technology, do we still gotta be so invasive?!) and giving her an IV of fluids. She nursed a little but not for long amounts of time. **During all this, she still had a fever, mind you.

Anyhow, this doctor and I didn't see eye-to-eye (as it turns out many doctors and I do not, nowadays) and he wanted to send her home. Even the nurse seemed to have hesitations about it, she and I discussed it and how uncomfortable I was with bringing Macie home, but ultimately the nurse said she can't over ride the doc. So, we headed home with our little worn out Mace-Mace.

We got home at 4am Satuday, January 28th.

I thought this was super sad. First time in hospital, this is what the IV looks like, all tape with that "pillow" to her hand. So sad looking. My poor babe.

Well, Saturday morning at around 7:30am Macie did nurse and nursed pretty well! And her fever was back...103.3 and climbing. I tried giving her medicine orally and she would choke on it, and what she did swallow, she would end up projectile vomiting after I sat her up. We left to pick up the boys and decided maybe to take her in to urgent care a little earlier than the 24 hours til next antibiotic shot.

We had a few moments of what we thought were improvement. We had purchased a suppository of Tylenol, and she seemed more alert and I was even able to get her to nurse a little here, a little there. She also started having diarrhea at this point. Anyway, all good signs shortly faded as time went by and we went back to urgent care for her shot.

I spoke with the doctor at urgent care about my concerns and I felt kinda dismissed. I expressed my feelings to the nurse who spoke with him, and he ended up notifying the hospital of us coming and stated my concerns, and said it would be up to them if they thought Macie should be admitted and that we could get the rest of the antibiotic shot when we got to the hospital.

I was a little frustrated. We live over an hour from the hospital and I kinda wanted a definite, yes she would be admitted. It's been a hard couple days for my family, I feel like I haven't been able to spend any quality of time with my boys, so Perry and I decided he and the boys would go home and I would take Macie to the hospital.

The whole ride I was questioning myself and if I was doing the right thing. Should I just take her back to urgent care and have her get the shot there and keep up with the suppositories? I even sent up a prayer, and honestly, I felt at peace that going to the hospital was the right thing to do.

Thankfully the hospital wasn't as bad as the night before. They ended up wanting to do an xray to start the elimination process of what this could be. I wasn't thrilled with her getting an xray, but we talked about the about of radiation and out weighing the benefits v. risks and I agreed to it. They also suggested zofran to help settle her stomach saying that may help her to eat. I asked if there was any side effects or risks to that medicine, they told me no, after the fact I found out otherwise. *Grrr. I will say she did nurse a little on each side after the zofran. 

The xray came back fine. They took more blood and set up an IV of fluid and antibiotics through the IV. Ultimately, Macie never perked up. She laid there. And slept on and off. They were expecting her to become active which she never did. They were expecting her apatite to incress, which it was better than Friday but still not great. And the diarrhea became worse.

They then wanted to xray her stomach to check that. Again, nothing. This is when it got freaky. The doctor came in and explained their reasoning and concerns. And because of the process of eliminations  and Macie's reaction or lackthereof, plus the fact she isn't up to date on her immunizations, they wanted to check for meningitis. Now, I do not know much about meningitis, but it sounds pretty serious and I've heard horror stories of spinal taps. He went through the whole process of the spinal tap with me, and treatment for meningitis. We talked about it all. I was shaking. I could not believe this was the conversation I was having. I knew my baby was sick but I never thought ANY of my kids would ever have something serious and this dangerous.

I told him I would have to speak with my husband and I'd let him know. I just kind of fell apart. I knew we had to do this; that we had to rule it out. Perry agreed this most be done. I spent the next whatever amount of time crying, praying, talking with friends, and my sister. Every time I looked at my little baby sleeping on the hospital bed I cried more. It's my fault. Not to make this about me but I felt like a pretty crappy mom.

I'm very thankful for our ER nurse, Layde (pronounced LADY). She was amazing. I had more questions about meningitis and I paged her and we just talked. Whenever I had questions about anything she took time to talk and explain in human terms. She was so good with Macie. I am so thankful that she was our nurse. Now, she didn't have to be in the room during the spinal tap, but she offered for me and I told her I would really like if she was in the room with Macie. She carried Macie off to have it done. My sweet girl was still asleep, totally unaware of what was about to happen. I heard her cry down the hall. I can't believe this is happening. They couldn't get my sweet Mace-Mace back to me soon enough.

When she came back, Layde wanted us to snuggle. Lights turned down low, sweet peaceful music playing, and Macie snuggling up on my chest as we lay in the bed together. This remember me of when Macie was born; of when we first met. How Macie and I first bonded through skin-to-skin (though we weren't doing skin-to-skin just then). I held my baby close to my heart, kissing her sweet face, telling her how much I love her. But ultimately, I guess she could sense my worry, and she just got really fussy and started throwing her head back. She was making me nervous and I paged the nurse who came in and took Macie out with her for a while. And I just sat and prayed.

Next thing I knew, another doctor came in and said Macie would be admitted. Now, originally I thought we were getting back the spinal results within 45 minutes. Turns out, those would just be preliminary and that the real deal would take 48 hours to get back. He said they wanted Macie fever free for at least 24 hours before discharge and he said a lot of stuff that I can't remember. I was running low on energy; 3-3 1/2 hours of sleep just don't cut it.

During my talk with this doctor, Perry and my mother in law came. And I was so thankful for that because I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Layde gave Macie a dolphin which is in the baby-jail looking crib with Macie right now.

We switched rooms in the hospital sometime around 12-something AM Sunday. The room isn't bad. I've never been admitted to hospital except for having my babies, and my boys have never been admitted to the hospital before either so this is all new to me but it kind of reminds me of staying in the hospital after having a baby. They give us diapers and wipes here! 

So, now it's 4:43am. I have gotten maybe an hour of sleep but I just can't sleep anymore. I heard Macie fuss and I calmed her down and now Perry is alseep in my spot so I'm sitting in this upright chair that doesn't lean back. It's OK though. I would go without sleep forever just to make sure my baby is ok. I just want her healthy again. She is such a smiley, happy baby and I want her back to her old self again.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Years Eve


Saturday December 31st, 2011

This New Years Eve our friends, the Seymour's, had a family party at their house. They had some chips and dip, rolls, and I brought brownies. They had a bon fire and fire works. We came around 6 and only stayed for a few hours because that's all Macie lasted.

Macie, her first New Years Eve :)

Me and my girl.

Me, Crystal, and Mace-Mace.

 First it was was the Seymour's and us, then April, Randy, and Gracie came! (Also later they had another family friens come over.)  

Randy and April. LOVE these two!

P, me and Macie.

Kids roosting marshmallows.


Asher, who looks like his roosting his marshmallow, but he would really just put it on the stick, stand by the fire, then eat it off the stick! lol! Too funny!

Zeke eating a s'more.


My Boys



My boys...ahhh :)

This one, confirmation of God's grace.

This one, a life saver.

 I love their affection towards one another, my husband, myself, and their sister. Their hearts are pure and full of good.

Sharing with baby sis.






I'm still trying to figure out what I did so right to deserve these guys...

Christmas 2011

Sunday December 25th, 2011
Perry 25, me 23, Zeke 7, Asher 3, Macie 10 months

Tempt. mid-50's and rainy.

This Christmas was an eventful one! We woke up Christmas morning and opened presents. Perry then called to check on his dad, Ross, who has been sick since Thanksgiving time. Well, Ross had gotten so bad that he needed to be taken to the hospital. Many tears were shed one, for Perry having to leave us on Christmas day and two, because we were upset and worried about Ross.
Thankfully, all turned out ok. Ross was diagnosed with bronchitis and was given a prescription and was allowed to leave the hospital. So we were reunited by late afternoon.

Our tree Christmas morning.

Stockings.

My baby loves :)

My sweet girl on her first Christmas ever!

Asher :)

Zeke :)

The boys with their new swords! (Asher's is broken already lol)

She melts me!!










Zeke's favorite gift is his kendama. Asher's favorite WAS his sword (RIP). And my favorite FOR Macie is the tie-knot blanket I made for her (not pictured), the pink rocking horse that Perry's step sister, Cindy, made for her, and her little dolly I bought for her at an old timey store. :)