Monday, June 27, 2016

He May Never Be

I think I have spent a lot of time fantasizing about what my future husband will be like. I've always assumed he would love me in spite of my flaws. That perhaps it would be my flaws that would make him love me so. That he will see my heart behind the action, the pain and the strength, and love me for it. Have a heart of mercy and grace for me. But what I've come to realize, this very well may never be the case. My future husband may not look over my sins and flaws sympathetically as I'd of hope him to. In fact, they may be an eye sore for him...something that's hard for him to get over, difficult for him to deal with. Because whether we like it or not, our past has a direct affect on our future.

I look at these Christian men who have these impeccable morals and it's all I want in a future husband and step father to my children. And now I'm stopped dead in my tracks- has the choices I've made in my past hindered me from having a relationship with such a person? It is a possibility. I'm not sure anymore if there's hope for me. I'm uncertain of what the future looks like for me in the dating arena. But all this - it brings me back to wanting to emphasize the importance of intentionality. We need to think long term about our choices and the affect they will have, because no doubt they will have an affect. What do you want your story to be?

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Your Praise On My Lips

This is how I feel. Right now it's easy to say, feel and believe this. Life's like that; certain seasons and trials we cling to Jesus, can't get enough, and the desire of our heart is for that. But I know my struggle is when I feel free and alive and healthy and like I still have my whole life ahead of me, sometimes I put Jesus on the back burner...sometimes it leads to less than ideal choices. Sometimes it leads to an ungrateful heart. And that heart of mine starts to wandering in those times when I feel invincible, when I leave my Jesus on the back burner. Inevitably, those seasons lead to choices that knock the breath out of me and once more I'm laying at the feet of Jesus, begging for mercy and seeking peace. |

You guys, this is not the story I want to tell. I want to be a faithful servant ESPECIALLY when life is good, boring and mundane. Those times when I feel most alive??? I want to be obedient to Him, even though I think I can "afford" some risks. Where I am today, I do not ever want to be again. I hate my wandering, ungrateful flesh. The struggle between spirit and flesh that Paul speaks of in the book of Romans is real, y'all.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Asher Starts Tennis!!

Tuesday June 7, 2016

Last two pics from 6/9/16

Asher decided to play tennis this summer. He played once before, right before we left Georgia. He's such a good sport. He is doing super well. He is typically a shy kid, but you wouldn't know that by how he goes out there and participates with the team. Way to go, Asher!

Monday, June 6, 2016

Macie Does Soccer

Monday June 6, 2016

I love having my kids in sports. This is the first year Macie has been able to participate and she chose soccer. Today was her first day at it. She was extremely nervous as first, even crying a little and wanting me by her side. She didn't always want to participate, but I know it was only because it was unknown for her. Eventually she warmed up and was running all over with the other kiddos. Her coach even commented on how well she did with opening up. She will have soccer for an hour each Monday and Wednesday through the end of July. I look forward to watching Macie grow in both skill and confidence through this. :)

Sunday, June 5, 2016

40 Days | Weightloss Healthgain Journey

I haven't always been over weight. It started months before I got pregnant with Asher, and over the years with depression, abusive marriage, and health issues snow-balled out of control. Without having a thyroid now and being diagnosed with POI, in theory it should make weight loss difficult but still, not impossible.

Last year I faithfully went to Gold's Gym with a friend on average 5 times a week. I did not lose any weight and though I did develop some definition in my calves and I could tell my endurance was increasing, but that's about it. I felt like I was becoming weaker. I think some of it had to do with a poor diet and also, that I was mostly doing cardio. It's sad the events that had to take place to get me to the point of being fed up and ready to prove the world wrong - but I'll count it as grace. 

Back in April, I joined the YMCA and I'm so grateful I did! It's been a wonderful thing for our family; Ash and Macie go to "Youth Fitness Class" and Zeke likes to lift weights! Since the end of April I've been taking Body Pump twice a week. Body Pump is a weight-based class and it is amazing! I have always LOVED weights. LOVE!!! This is also the first exercise class I've ever taken. I'll never forget the first time I took the class...I was so sore but it increased the following two days...for 3 whole days walking up/down stairs, sitting down, getting up HURT SO FREAKING BAD. Literally my butt hurt! I worked muscles I didn't even know I had. I realized this was a challenge and I'm up for a good ole challenge, so, I've been sticking with it. I've never been that sore since.

In addition to Body Pump, I'll add a little bit of cardio at the end (usually stairs or elliptical). For the most part, I usually go to the gym a third day for more exercise. Ideally, I'd love to go to the gym daily and on my BP off days work different areas of the body. That is the goal.

I can tell I've lost weight but haven't weighed myself. I'm not as concerned with numbers as I am with inches and I regret not having measured myself from the start! I can tell I am getting stronger, not weaker like last year. I am starting to see definition in arms/shoulders, legs and bottom. Shirts are becoming looser around my stomach and shoulders. Pants are becoming looser in my thighs and around my bottom and waist. This is all exciting!!!

Well, I wanted to step it up a notch and set a date to get really intense and serious about this. To see how far I could push myself within said amount of time. That's where the 40 days comes in...Here's what I shared on Instagram:

40 days.

I've had a hard time with setting days for goals. What is the right length of time?! Today at church the pastor talked about the biblical significance of 40 days saying God has used it for a time of preparation (i.e., Christs' resurrection to the day of Pentecost). Some say 40 days is more of a time of trial, test, probation. While others yet say there is no hidden meaning behind 40 days; it's just 40 days.

Meaning aside, it stuck out to me and so I now choose 40 days for myself. With all that has happened in my life with health, relationships, habits - choices in general, I'm choosing to take the next 40 days to make some radical changes. I hope to see much "gains" ;) in the areas of my health/fitness, relationships, self, and relationship with Christ. I dedicate this time to Him, being mindful that I want to live my life in a way that is both pleasing and glorifying to Him. I can do this by the way I take care of myself and how I interact with others.

Why do I share this publicly? Accountability! Though some details will remain private, hold me accountable that on that day I will need to share with you the positive changes made. I don't wanna show up with no "gains" (haha!) or improvements made. I wanna prove others wrong about me and my abilities...but most importantly, I want to prove myself wrong. I. Can. I. Will. Do. This.

I will become the best version of me.

So that's the some of things. June 23rd will be 40 days!!! It will be here in no time at all and I hope no matter the final results that I stick to it and don't give up!!! I have a goal in my mind and I want to see it through. I want to be fit for confidence, for health, for setting an example, for honoring the Lord with my body. But the 40 days is supposed to be more than just the physical aspect...I've been spending more time in the word, usually reading a Proverb a day and also The First 5 app I have from Proverbs 31. I want to continue to grow in Christ...I want to live a life pleasing to Him, I don't want to commit the sins I have in the past. I want all my relationships to be ones that make Him proud! I'm definitely a work in progress, but hey, aren't we all?! ;)

5/19/16 210lb


Started pre-workout & protein shakes. 6/1/16

6/4/16 Instagram
Haha, I feel more strong than I look. 😉

I have to just say I'm so thankful to be on this journey. Though I've always loved working out, for many years I had excuses why I couldn't. It took for one more heartbreak for the strong desire to "prove them wrong" to settle in. Proving "them" wrong is no longer my reason, I now do this for me (my health and wellbeing), my kids (to set an example and to be around for them as long as possible), and for my God (to honor Him). This is a good example how God took something meant to harm me and used it for my good.

I am not there yet and it may be years before I reach my goal, but I'm determined to see it through. Too much is at stake here and through the wonderful world of social media I have great accountability. 😉😘💪🏋✌ #letsdothis #onwardandupward #40days #committed #weightloss #healthgain #wellness #fitness #fitfam #girlswholift #forhisglory #iamworthit

Saturday, June 4, 2016


Friday June 3, 2016

Asher and Macie


Asher and Macie in tea cups.

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Last Day of School

 Macie bringing gifts for her teachers. (All kids did, just got a pic of Macie, though.)
 Celebratory jump for schools out for summa!!!!
Asher and Macie went to the Youth Fitness class at the Y while Zeke, a friend of his, and I worked out. We worked arms/chest/shoulders and ended on the stairmaster. Felt great!! I'll need to update on what's going on with me health/fitness wise.

Just like that this school year has come to an end! It was our first FULL school year as just me and the kiddos. This fall I'll have a 7th and 3rd grader and a kindergartener! Absolute craziness!! Thankful for 3 beautiful, smart, sweet, kind, loving, awesome kiddos who love the Lord and love each other!!! God is good!!!