The news came first thing on a Wednesday morning; about 6 am to be exact. It would be a good five days later before I could muster the courage to tell the children. And their world would shake, again.
After finding out about our move to North Dakota, we (kids and I) did have mixed emotions at first because Georgia is all my kids have ever known as home. But those emotions soon turned into feelings of pure joy and excitement for the reunification of our family. The slow process of packing had started, and going through our belongings to prepare for a yard sale. Planning, preparing, we were ready.
But God's ways aren't ours. His thoughts aren't ours, either. And we don't understand why things took a turn for the way they did, but nonetheless what happened happened and we won't be moving afterall. At least not on the date we had set, nor to the place we thought.
Tears shed as I broke the news. I saw my eldest boys heart break before me. The separation between a growing young man and his father should never be so long. I told him it's ok to be upset, it's ok to cry, it's ok to bring these feelings and more to God. It's ok to be angry. We had looked at the pictures of our soon to be home, we had everything planned. Now those dreams were shattered. God, what is going on here?
And I myself feel like a child as I have spent the last some odd days knelt before my bed pleading with God. Like a child trying to persuade their parent, that's how I have felt. The news still stings, it hurts so bad I have dared not say a word to another living soul aside from my naturopath who pulled it out of me. All I want is for my family to be back together, is that so wrong? The holidays are fast approaching, the conditions for moving won't be in our favor much longer. And still the Father is silent and has not acted in such a divine intervention that I see fit. But the truth remains; this move, on planned date, to signed place is simply not going to happen. So what do we do from here?
I must trust in Him, the one who allowed this to be taken away. Maybe it was for our protection? Maybe it is for something better? Maybe just because. I don't know. But I know the character of God is not that of some mean bully going around breaking the heart of the young, and separating families. I know in His good timing, our family will be back together. So now we keep waiting. And preparing. And hoping. And I have no doubt more tears will come, but I also know He will be faithful to comfort. The plan is to continue with the yard sale and such for I don't want there to be a single materialistic hindrance holding us back from being a family again.
I apologize if this is an impersonal way of breaking the news - especially considering I told many of our friends personally about the good news before making it public. But please try to understand what a blow this is for our family, what a genuine heart break. Going on 7 months away. Over half a year with only seeing him twice. This stuff is hard and I don't know if I can handle having this conversation over and over again. It's hard for him, and hard for us. And deep down I still secretly cling to the hope that something BIG and MIRACULOUS will happen and we'll still get to move before the holidays! I do ask for prayers for our family during this challenging time. Especially for our little ones. Thanks y'all.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
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