I want to talk about it so bad, I do, but I don't know where to start. Perhaps now isn't the right time? Perhaps I'm not suppose to talk about it at all? I would need to be careful with my words as I'm not looking to destroy anyone's reputation, nor do I wish to hurt the ones who matter the most; the kids.
Releasing words is therapeutic for me, but this situation is a delicate one.
The pain is increasing, my mind erupting with words, feelings that I want to share, that I want to get off my chest. Someone listen! I want to be heard, to be understood.
Perhaps the take away in all this is to release these thoughts/feelings/words to Him?!!! But I want to share, I want others to understand, and I want to warn others; beware.
I've been practicing deep breathes lately. Stop whatever, eyes shut, slow deep breath in, hold, slowly release deep breath, repeat x5.
My anxiety has gotten the best of me lately, so deep breathing helps me to stop, pause, seek, regroup, try again.
Part of me is excited for the fall...full time work and full time school for me, full time school plus possible extra curricular activities for kids. Busy, busy, busy is better than having too much time on your hands where you dwell in the pain and "what ifs". Yet all the responsibility that comes with that busy schedule scares me...what if I can't do it? What if I fail? It's not about failing myself but the three little ones who rely on me to keep it together. So I've come to realize already just how dependant I'll be on Him during this season (and all those thereafter). I can't do this in my own strength.
So much rambling tonight...just so much on my mind...my heart is heavy...sitting on a break through, I believe...something big is about to happen.
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