I Hate Cancer

I'm almost certain I have not written about the results from my endocrinologist back in May. Honestly, I lost my brain when I lost my thyroid. I used to have incredible memory, but now, I can't seem to remember even the most simple of things in the most recent of times. So frustrating.

Tonight, well, actually this morning as it's about 2am, I just can't seem to get cancer off my brain. Why you ask? Because my friend is in a fight for her life because of it.

I met Cynthia ten months ago at the Healing Strong conference. (I met her and Jade (who are close friends) and these two ladies I just cannot say enough good things about.) Cynthia is married with three young kids. What I was so impressed by her is even after a diagnosis of reoccurring cancer, this lady still had a smile on her face. The positivity just exuded from her. Maybe joy is a better word. Her outlook, her perspective is just pure and full of joy and hope. She is a lover of Jesus, and lives a selfless life of helping and encouraging others. She and Jade took me under their wing, made me one of their own, they mentored me. Those few days I had with them I'll never forget and always treasure. I love these ladies. We had been in touch via Facebook since the conference.

Well, I guess Cynthia was diagnosed with her third occurrence back in January. It had spread. I know she did a little radiation, chemo pills, but to no avail. Just a couple weeks ago, she and Jade went to Mexico to a clinic which practices the Gerson Therapy, but the three week stay ended two weeks early as Cynthia's pain increased. Since coming home, she has not left her bed. She doesn't want anymore chemo or radiation, and she will now be receiving hospice care at home to help with pain management as she is having difficulty swallowing pills right now.

And my heart is broken. How can someone I just met ten months ago have such an impact on my life? How can someone once so full of energy and life become so tired and ill in a matter of months? Why God her? WHY?! What about her kids?? I don't know how to process this. I have been praying without ceasing all day long. I keep checking for more updates. I can't believe we may never talk again; and I reread our last conversation. I am so angry this is happening, yet also holding on to the hope that Jesus will miraculously heal her like He's done before. I KNOW HE CAN.

And once again I'm left feeling like why me? Why am I okay and she isn't? When I was pregnant with Macie and two very close women in my life miscarried and I got to carry my baby full term, why God? Why spare me? God, I did handle my diagnosis with grace. God, I cried big, ugly face tears. God, I was angry. God, she stayed in You, she never lost faith or joy. God, even through the trenches she served You. God, she has been faithful. Please God, spare her, for just a while more.

I got a phone call just days after my May appointment saying "no mass was found" via ultrasound and nothing was found via the thyroglobulin test. Cancer free...though those were not their words as they want me to do a radioactive scan in December (one which I will refuse), I claim and believe and know Jesus has healed me. 

And tonight, my friend Cynthia lays in bed 1300 miles away. I cannot imagine what her husband and children are going through right now. Pray without ceasing, praying without ceasing, God I will continue to pray without ceasing. In the name of Jesus, Lord, please heal my friend.