Healing Strong

Healing Strong is a conference I went to back in September. It's like, Christian-based, natural way to healing from cancer conference. I've had a really hard time processing it which is why I haven't written about it, or even spoken to many people about it.

The conference came at a really weird time. In August, I started developing weird symptoms. Severe back pain (and spasms). It got so bad, that I couldn't walk for any real length of time, and even then I'd had to lean against something for support. Standing to do dishes would end with me in tears, and the sink still full. I gained weight, a lot of it, the most I ever weighed. I felt puffy and swollen. My joints/nerves/muscles all hurt. I couldn't get a good grasp of things with my hands. It hurt to move my fingers, wrists, so it made getting dressed difficult and painful. Symptoms started in August and were full blown out of control by December, which is when I went to the doctor up here in Bismarck and found the reason for this was my doctor in Georgia had taken me off my Nature-Throid and put me on a whole slew of medicines that were not given me the thyroid hormone I need, but also causing inflammation and all these other health problems. Since discontinuing that medicine and getting back on Nature-Throid, I have improved greatly. I need to report this doctor because what she did was not only careless, but dangerous, and could've ended badly.

But anyways, the first symptom was back pain. So, I went to the chiropractor in August which is when I saw the poster being advertised for Healing Strong. My chiro then informed that the lady who started it, had had thyroid cancer herself. I just really wanted to go.

By the time the conference came around, the other symptoms has started. We were also in the process of planning on moving, so I was packing and planning and planning for a yard sale - my world was chaos. My friend, April, watched my kiddos for the weekend for me.

The first night of the conference I felt so impowered. Chris Wark (www.chrisbeatcancer.com) spoke, and he was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in his 20s  and did not do chemo. His faith in God is incredible and he juiced and changed his eating habits and here he is 10 years later cancer free. I also met a lady, Cortney Campbell (www.greendrinkdairies.com) who was diagnosed in her 20s with a stage 2 rare form of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma who did not do chemo or radiation, but also thru faith and natural eating is now in remission. Hearing these two speak, just really filled me with joy! For I, too, in my 20s was diagnosed with cancer and also did not choose traditional treatment. This was very encouraging for me! I remember driving home that night full of joy and assurance and just praising God. I finally felt like I was with a group of people who understood. I felt like I belonged. None of my friends or anyone could relate to what I was going through, and some of them I think downplayed it. So those were two feelings I struggled with. Here, though, people had the same doubts, and questions, and fears as I. And it was so reassuring knowing I wasn't alone.

The next day didn't go so well. Well, I mean, I realized I knew a lot more about healthy "alternatives". So a lot of what was taught I already knew, which is great. But then hearing stories, and seeing pictures, then one doctors herself had developed breast cancer and she lived an all-natural, organic lifestyle and even had her kids at home and breast fed - how can someone like that get cancer?! (That was discouraging.) She went on and said how there's a link between breast cancer and thyroid cancer and just moments earlier I met a lady whose 12 year old son has thyroid cancer and it's spread to his lymph nodes, and she had thyroid cancer in her 20s, and now has breast cancer. Some people there, you couldn't tell had cancer, others you could. It was difficult for them to eat and walk, and my heart just broke for them, and yet they had so much courage and strength to continue on. My own physical symptoms became more noticable that weekend. And on break I sat in my car and cried and prayed - had this cancer spread to every single place of my body? Why was my back still hurting? I was seeing the chiro and doing all the recommend exercises/stretches. Why was my nerves/joints/muscles hurting so bad? The muscles in my calves would tighten, I dreaded walking back in. I was convinced I had cancer of everything. And I couldn't wait for the weekend to end.

That night, a pastor spoke about forgiveness and such and music was played, songs were sung, and people had a chance to  come up and have others pray for them. I felt compelled to go up there. Had my anger towards what happened in my youth caused my cancer? Or was my cancer a punishment? I was in such termoil in my soul and then felt guilt for being such a wreck when I was surrounded by people who had a much worse diagnosis than I, and yet they held it more together. I was conflicted with a worldwind of emotions. I walked up there and just balled my eyes out. I could not even talk. I was just trying to not hyperventilate. The lady just embraced me and patted me told me its ok. She asked how she could pray for me and I was unable to even answer that. So she just went ahead and started praying for me - and it's amazing how God works because she addressed so much of what was going on in the inside of me. She prayed exactly what I needed, without me saying a word. And she encouraged me and complimented me. I am so grateful.

That Sunday, the last day of the conference, I was mentally/emotionally drained. And discouraged. And felt like every food item in the world is horrible for you, except for veggies and I would be sentenced to veggies for the rest of my life. We had to walk from room to room that day and were able to ask speakers questions (I remember my legs and back killing me but I was trying not to show it). I just wanted to go home and hide and pretend like I was fine, I never had cancer, never will, and just go on with my life. Reality was just too hard to face.

So I left the conference that day not sure of if I was happy I went or not. I think part of my reaction was due to my mental depression that those meds I was on were causing. With time having past, I can now say I'm glad I went. There were three ladies at the table who I still keep in touch with via Facebook. All of which had/have/fighting breast cancer. These women are so courageous and positive and strong. I love these ladies whole heartedly, and I pray for them, and I wait with anticipation for the day they are medically declared cancer free. And might I add, their faith and love for the Lord is so incredible. They are my cancer thriving sisters.

I think it is safe to say, I'm no longer as fearful as I once was. But I feel ready to know for certain whether there is cancer still in my body. And I'm ready to figure out what diet life style works best for me with my health. There's so much information out there, so many options - and I love options! But it can be overwhelming, and what works for someone may not work for someone else. I've also let go of some of the anger I was holding on to towards the medical community. Once our new insurance goes through, I have every intention of seeing an endocrinologist and going from there.

The "what ifs" still creep in every once in a while. But I also feel a peace from God. And I feel like He is telling me not to worry, that everything will be okay...such a peace and confidence that maybe I am already cancer free. ;) And I'll stumble again, and perhaps wrestle with negative feelings, or struggle with feeling alone. But, ya know, I have God. I have the Creator of the universe on my side. What more do I need? I really want you guys to know, I am covered in peace right now and I feel so ready. So ready to know, and act accordingly, and to move onward.