Sunday, March 27, 2016

Parenting



Today, parenting was not so joyful, not so fun.

My kids were at each other and the house was a wreck, and am in the middle of war in my soul and feel so vulnerable and fragile. I just could not deal with the chaos.

Instead of reacting in haste, instead of saying something I'd soon regret, I chose to separate myself from the situation. I needed nature, I needed to feel the warm sun on my skin, I needed to feel closer to my Creator.

I walked up and down the block multiple times trying to gather my thoughts and emotions. Like I said, I've been feeling so vulnerable lately and inadequate. "I can't do this" crossed my mind as I heard a certain child of mine screaming from inside the apartment as I was still a ways up the block.

Parenting is so much more than taking care of their physical needs. And I am knee deep in the trenches of parenthood, alone; I don't have their father to co-parent with, I don't have a parent of my own to call and vent to or to receive advice from. I feel so alone, inadequate, vulnerable and fragile. Yet I feel such a responsibility to them; I cannot give up.

I wish people would take more consideration into becoming a parent beforehand. Having a baby will not save your relationship, they don't stay cute and cuddly forever, their needs come before your wants. Don't get me wrong, there is much joy to be had in raising kids, but I would say most of the time it is a challenging, difficult, and humbling experience.

It's a good thing they're so cute.


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