Can I Just Say...

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good?
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give you praise
Now it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
They've got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to you
And it all seems upside down

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when I fall apart

I don't know how long this will last
I'm praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that has ever happened to me

'Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel you now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
But somehow still have all I need?
God I want to know you more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find you when--
You will find me when--
I fall apart

- Josh Wilson "Fall Apart"

I love those words. Love. This song is incredible and I can relate. 

"Why in the world did I think could only get to know you when my life was good?" - Guilty! Because, ya know, if life ain't good then God must not be real or He must be mean, out there trying to getcha. Why does God allow bad things to happen to us? Does it mean He must not care? Let alone love us? Why Lord, why?! 

"My whole world is caving in but I feel you now more than I did then. How can I come to the end of me and somehow still have all I need?" - Amazing. Even when our world feels like it's falling apart, somehow still our needs our met. Somehow in the midst of our chaos and pain, we can come to know God in a very real way, on a very deep level. 

"I don't know how long this will last. I'm praying for the pain to past. But maybe this is the best thing to ever happen to me." - Humbling. In Jesus, there is always hope. Whether we end up getting our way or not, I know good can come from our pain. Good in all different kinds of sorts of ways! And if my pain and suffering has brought me closer to Jesus, then yes, it could be the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

I just want everyone to know, don't lose hope. THIS IS ALWAYS HOPE. Ask those close to me, I say this all the time and I genuinely believe it! No matter the diagnosis, no matter what they say, no matter how hopeless it feels - there is hope! Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). Take this opportunity to grow in your relationship with Jesus. I have never heard Him talk so much as I have this last year and a half. 

The road is long and curvy and I don't see the end in sight. My suffering hurts - oh, my heart aches. But He is sufficient, He is enough. This goes to show how GREAT and POWERFUL and MERCIFUL and LOVING He is that He can be my all-in-all even when I'm in the trenches. 

Don't. Lose. Hope.