CONFIRMATION

Thursday, I received a phone call from my naturopath's office, saying my results were in, and that the doctor wanted to see me Monday (they're closed Fridays). That made me worry because we had discussed that she would just call me with the results and I'd see her when I would come in for my next appointment. So, I spent three whole days worrying, like I know I shouldn't have, nor needed to, but I did it any way. What added to the intensity of the wait was a conversation I had with a specific someone who I adore and look up to almost to a fault. During our talk, I realized how we differ in our medical views - when I thought all along we were on the same page. And then it hit me; really, truly I am alone in this decision to have declined radiation and seek a more holistic route. I had to make sure that I'm not doing this for any other reason other than it's what Perry and I believe is the choice that is right for me. I felt shaken, and I started questioning myself, "Am I really doing what I'm supposed to do? Am I really making a wise choice? Is this what God really wants me to do?" Though still confident in my decision, doubt still ensued. I emotionally vomited on at least three people this weekend. Nerves shot, I just wanted to embrace denial and turn up my country music and dream about being anywhere but here.

This morning as I got the kids ready, they were being extra sweet. Oh God, give me more of these days. I want more days of making my kids breakfast, helping them dress, tie shoes, more sweet conversations, listening to their beautiful voices. I want more. 

I arrived a little late for my appointment and had to wait a little bit before being taken back, which unfortunately gave my mind more time to wander. Thankfully, I had received some encouraging emails, I held on to those, and replayed some words spoken by Chantell the day before. I strongly dislike having to go to these appointments alone, no one's hand to hold, but it makes me hold on to Truth all the more.

My results came back relatively well. Adrenals are on the low side of normal, so I'll be taking Cortisol Control (I've stopped taking my adrenal support since my last visit weeks ago) and DHEA. Now, here comes the good part. My TPO Antibody is now at 41. It used to be way over 300, now it is 41. According to the lab she uses, under 35 and you're good; auto immune disease free! She said something to the extent, "Dare I say you're going into remission." She completely credits the diet and supplement changes to this. What encouragement this is for me! I needed a reminder, some sort of "proof" that this is the right way for me, that these changes are paying off. My endo had told me before I would forever have an auto immune disease and just better hope that I don't develop a second one- they found it unnecessary to even check my TPO Antibody anymore. This gives me so much hope for my healing in the cancer department. God knew I needed this.

As dependent and clingy as I was this morning to God I want to be every day of my life whether what's going on is good, bad, neutral. I want my focus to be so on Him as it was today, every day, for no other reason other than He is my God and my Savior and EVERYTHING to me! 

There's a song that really stands out to me especially in light of my health condition.
"Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone
You are God, You are good, forever faithful One
Even if the healing doesn't come" (Kutless, 'Even If')

That is how I want to be if I have a rough day or get bad news. It is so easy for me to praise Him now because I just received good news. But what if it wasn't good news, what would have my reaction been? I have to ask myself these things. To whom/where am I putting my trust? Who am I clinging to? I want to press into Him, no matter what is going on in my life. 

Today I am thankful for more than just good results from the doctor; thankful for new revelations that are increasing my growth in my relationship with God.