A Change of Heart

Maybe a change in heart would be a more appropriate title? Anyhow, lets back up some. The past month or so have been extremely difficult for me which in turn directly affects my family. Maybe its from my husbands crazy new schedule or maybe I just snapped. Whatever the cause, I've been short tempered with my kids, and really kind of self-centered in my thinking ("I never get a break" and comparing myself to others). I am so thankful for the people placed in my life to help me stay on the straight and narrow. By being examples themselves to giving good advice, my friends and mentor have taught me alot. I've also been going to God, too. Slowly but surely He has been working in my heart. My perspective is changing. My attitude. My patience. Life had become all about survival; surviving that day, that hour, that minute. I wasn't enjoying life and I wasn't being the mom I want to be, let alone the one I've been called to be. But God is faithful. He may not always hop to it as quickly as we'd prefer, but in His own sweet and perfect timing He answers the call. Perfectly. I wish I knew HOW to describe the change that has taken place within me. And I am human so I still have my moments, but man, I'm seeing God more. I am FEELING God more! I am *In-Love* with Him once more! He has sparked this fire in my heart! He is helping me to be a better mom! At the most random times I will find myself just lifting my hand(s) high in the air just praising Him! Sometimes I will stand on my tip toes because maybe then I'll be able to feel Him more! In the shower, in the kitchen, driving down the highway - I may look silly to outsiders but in my heart I am overwhelmed with joy and love! After all this time, I'm really starting to make progress to be back where I was with him 5 years ago. So, all credit goes to God for changing my heart/perspective/attitude as a parent. I give Him credit for all good things. Y'all, I am just so overwhelmed by Him. I want for everyone to experience what I am right now. I love You, God, Father, Savior! To You be the glory for the change of this heart!!!

Mission to Love

Love is a choice. It really is.

John 13:35 says, "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." We're supposed to love.

I want to love. I do. Some people, though, man, they make it challenging! I have a few people like that in my life. But I am determined to love everyone. I don't care who you are, what you did, your special to Him, and if its the last thing I do I am going to find some good in you and just love the heck outta ya!

Yes, I am thinking of a particular someone right now. But I refuse to harbor any more negative feelings towards that specific person. I REFUSE. I refuse to play games. I refuse to take all your hurtful words and actions personally. I am gonna love ya. I am gonna reach out to ya . I am gonna love ya. I am going to do kind things for ya. I am gonna love ya.

Stitches!

The saying God doesn't give us more than we can handle really rings true for Asher. He gets hurt a lot. But he's so tough. It doesn't seem to faze him like it would for your average person. God made him extra tough because He knew Asher would get extra hurt. I've said for a very long time that Asher will be the death of me. I swear he tries to give me a heart attack! Since pregnancy, he's had me worrying. The boy didn't move much in utero, didn't cry at birth, has fallen off stairs, counters, shopping carts since about 7 months old. Health wise he's also been my sicky. Always sick with something. By age 2, he had tubes put in and adenoids removed. About a month after that surgery, he jumped off the couch and dived into the TV stand where he busted his left eye brow and ended up getting stitches. I was pregnant with Macie and so very nauseas. I don't do well with open flesh and blood as is so being pregnant didn't make it better. Thankfully, my mother in law came to the hospital and was a big help. He ended up healing nicely from that and the scar is almost non existent.

So, Friday being the last day of school and Asher making in memorable, decided to disobey me when I told him and his siblings to wait in the isle at Rack Room while I went to the end of the isle to look at shoes. I saw as he walked right by to the counter (apparently some toy had caught his eye), next thing I knew he came back to me just moments later with blood gushing down his face and this open, fleshy cut behind his left eye. I knew right away he would need stitches. I told Zeke to grab Macie and off we went to urgent care.

The manager (I think it was) from the store came out asking if he needed a bandaid and I said, “No, he needs stitches!” She offered for me to fill out an incident report but I declined; it wasn't their fault he got hurt.

In the car ride, Asher was totally calm. Zeke was crying. A lot. He held a napkin over Asher's cut and was crying, “Asher, why do you always get hurt? I love you so much!” I think he thought worst case scenario.

Perry's mom and step dad met us at urgent care. Ultimately, Asher was fine and totally brave and thoroughly taking advantage of the popsicles and papa Dane bought him and big bubba things from the vending machine.

While they stiched him up, Ash kept asking for Zeke. But overall, he did very well. Minimum to no tears. He got 5 stitches – this time with dissolvable stitches. (He got 5 stiches not even 2 years ago on the same eye.) The next day, I caught Asher trying to wrestle brother, and also playing in water after doctors order not to get wet for 48 hours.

Tuesday the 29^th we thought Asher had broken his right hand. Brother accidently hit it pretty hard with a bar he found in the yard. It was very swollen and bruised but luckily, all is well. If this is any indication of what this summer will be like, please pray for us! lol

Crossing Over, Moving Up

May 17th was cross over for our pack. Zeke crossed over from being a Wolf Cub to a Bear Cub. It's hard to believe we're going into our third year of Cub Scouts!

Above - my gift from Zeke's teacher. Below - my gift from the librarian! 

May 25th was Zeke's last day of school! He is officially DONE with the second grade! Wow! I have a THIRD GRADER!!! Yikes! They say kids grow up fast and that is the truth!! The reality of this is it for our family and public school is setting in...we are a homeschoolin' family! AHHH!! It won't be official til school starts (August?) but still, we aren't public schoolers anymore. It's definitely bitter sweet! When Zeke originally started at Silver City, I was less than thrilled about them. (He went to a different school for kindgarten, and started SCES 1st grade.) The first lady I met there wasn't very sympathic and actually kind of rude. Then their car pool line was innnsane, to say the least. So unorganized, took forever. I would get there an hour before school let out, yet they would never have Zeke to me til literally the cars in the back were getting their kids. Obviously it got better a couple weeks into school (1st grade year). 2nd grade I was preparing for the worst but it was never as bad as the previous year. I volunteered on a weekly basis. Actually averaging 2+ days a week. I met and got close with some people. These relationships I'll miss. I actually grew to love this school. I used to compare to Zeke's first school (Sawnee) but now I say Sawnee can learn from Silver City. :) Wednesday the 23rd was the end of year party for Zeke's class. His teacher gave me a gift! She cried when she talked about the kids. She bought every kid a trophy with 3 stars. First star representing the parents, second star representing community (teacher), and third star representing the kids, raising above. Very sweet. The kids also got awards or certificates and they voted on each other. Zeke got ball of energy. I cracked up! Very appropriate! We will miss SCES and Mrs. Starr and every body there! Happy Summer, everyone!

A Time To Reconcile

Ecclesiastes 3 says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven". I am currently experiencing a time of reconciliation. Over the past few months I have been reconciled with some friends. For various reasons, we either intentionally or unintentionally lost contact with one another. Have you ever experienced something and just feel God all in it? That's how this experience in this season of life feels for me. I'm overwhelmed with thankFULness. I am filled with love and joy, excitement and hope. I feel so encouraged. I want to be more like Him. I want to show my gratitude. God is good and I am going to thoroughly enjoy this TIME in my life, under heaven. :)

the moments I'm going to miss!

As I was dropping Zeke off at school this morning, I noticed the car behind me was a boy in Zeke's Cub Scout den and the car behind that one was also a fellow Cub Scout-er and Zeke's best friend. All our boys greeted each other with smiles and walked as a group into the school. It melted my heart. This is part of what I love about Cub Scouts and what I'm going to miss about school. Including today, 9 days to go!

Mother's Day Weekend 2012

For the first time since starting his new job about two months ago, Perry had this weekend off. It could not have come at a better time! One, for the obvious - MOTHERS DAY =) - but also because it had just been a difficult week for our family and we really needed some quality time as a family. It has been incredibly nice having my hubby around! I mean, just to know I'm not facing the day alone (which obviously I'm never alone, God is always there, but ya know what I mean), it's been nice for the kids to have their daddy around. Just his presence in our house...ahhh, so nice. :-)

Saturday morning I woke up early intentionally. I wanted some time to weed in the garden before the day started and got hectic. For whatever reason, I find it so peaceful in the garden. Just being outside, listening to the birds singing, feeling the breeze, being so close to God in His gorgeous creation. Love it. Simply love it. 

This morning was particularly special. Zeke wanted to help me. Shortly after, Asher came to join. I genuinely appreciate and value this alone time I was able to spend with my sons. Ya know, something I have got to say is reading these marriage books I'm not only learning a lot about Perry and how men think/are, why they do what they do, but it's helping me to learn a lot about my boys. I'm learning how their minds work, why they don't see what I see when I ask them to look for something, etc. I'm learning to appreciate my boys in new ways. I am excited and honored that part of my job description as their mom is to help encourage them to be good, Godly men and I can start by leading by example. It's exciting to know what they witness at home will reflect how they act in their own marriages one day, how they treat their own kids one day. Big responsiblity, for sure, but one that I'll take gladly!

Anyways, below is a picture of Asher helping water the garden. I did take a picture of Zeke helping me weed, but for whatever reason it didn't go through to my email and I already deleted it on my phone. =/ But let the record show, Zeke was a huge help and I so enjoyed conversating (?) with him! 

During our time together I also realized my boys aren't so little anymore. They're growing (fast) into young men. As this is exciting to watch them grow up and see who they'll become, it also saddens me at the same time. I will miss these days! I miss the ones that have past already! But it helps me to realize how precious each day is and how important it is to be aware of my behavior towards them, around them, etc. Can't mess this up - today is the only day we'll get!

Saturday afternoon, Perry went to the movies with his big brother. The kiddos and I visited a friend, Amber, who was closing up shop from her yard sale and she kindly gave us some things that she would have otherwise donated! Then we got a phone call from grandma Lisa and papa Dane to come over - they have bought Asher a bow and arrow (Zeke already has one), purchased Zeke more arrows and more bb's for his gun. Papa Dane is so good about doing things with the boys and making them feel like little men! Grandma also bought Macie a new pair of pj's and an outfit! It was a nice visit!

Macie is thoroughly enjoying all this quality time she is getting to spend with her daddy! They've been cuddling a lot! She even took a couple steps to him Saturday night! It's an amazing thing to witness the love these two have for one another! She adores her daddy and she is his world!

Sweet girl enjoying a lollipop at church while we were waiting for the traffic to clear.

Me and my silly girl, Mothers Day 2012.

Me n my boys, Mothers Day 2012.

Above is a picture of the cookie cake Perry bought for his mother and I. After church we headed to her house where we enjoyed this yummy treat (and where I'm fully taking advantage of the wifi ; ) ). Next, we're going to head out for lunch somewhere and I'm just thankful for more family time before we jump into another busy week!

Happy Mother's Day!!!