Macie's Preschool Graduation

Wednesday June 1, 2016

It is hard to believe my last baby has graduated from preschool! It's definitely been bitter sweet. Going to miss this season but excited to watch her continue to grow in kindergarten.

At her "graduation", kids sang 3 songs (Macie was a bit shy and didn't sing), awards were given and gifts from the teachers. Tomorrow will be her last day in teachers Kathy and Peggy's class!

Holding Hands

Monday May 30, 2016

Memorial Day

One day he isn't going to want to hold my hand anymore. Treasuring these sweet moments while they last. 😍❤My Asher John, a blessing, a joy to our family. And guess what? That is the literal meaning of his name.❤😍

Cub Scouts: End of Year Pack Meeting

Sunday May 15, 2016

Met at park, each den assigned a food to bring; Asher's den was assigned desert. Kids played, badges/patches given out, info shared, dinner served, more playing, then dens helped clean up park for community service. 

Mother's Day 2016

Mother's Day 

Sunday May 8, 2016

Been doing this mother thing since I was 15 years old (almost half of my life!) - and let me tell you, it is not for the faint of heart! If you so allow it to be, mothering (parenting!) is quite the sacrifice and humbling experience. These are GOOD things that build character and can help us to be more patient, compassionate and understanding of others.

I love these kiddos so much. I complain when I shouldn't because they really do have the most beautiful hearts of anyone I know! Asher woke me to tell me he cleaned the living room. Macie literally scared me (i thought she was still asleep) as she jumped around the corner with a big smile wishing me a happy mothers day. And Mr. Zeke cleaned the bathroom. 👐😇 It's the little things!

Blessed to be their mama! I resolve to spend more time in the moment, treasuring the time I have with them. The days are long but the years go by fast!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Real Talk

Real talk (man, I hate when people say that! LOL!), I have messed up lately. Compromising for the sake of another and for no good reason. I have suffered the consequences and am left with a broken heart. After all I've been through, you'd think I'd have more sense. You would think I wouldn't make the same choices I did a decade ago. But friends - this is life! Sometimes, after many steps forwards, we go back one or two steps -BUT ALL IS NOT LOST! God's grace and forgiveness is still ours for the taking! And though the heart may ache, God alone can bring true peace and healing to it! He can take a senseless thing that happened and give it meaning, purpose so that nothing goes to waste! 

From this I have gained strength and wisdom. I am learning to own up to my worth and act accordingly. It is so much more than saying these things - I'm working to act on them! I've joined the gym and have already taken Body Pump. I hope to take that class twice a week. Losing weight and gaining physical strength will lead to a more confident me. (& YES I KNOW LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING.) It's time that I start taking care of my physical being as well as my heart and soul. And PS, exercise was such a love of mine many years ago.

Actions need to reaffirm the words we say.

I am so grateful that my Father in Heaven was so faithful to go before me and to take care of me. I'm so grateful for His peace which transcends all understanding! He is good! I have sinned and He has forgiven me, picked me up from the ground, cleaned me off and hugged me so! He is a good, good father! 

Heart of Gold

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

First off, Macie has no idea how good she has it in the brother department. No. Freaking. Idea. Secondly, this boy is such a protector. He defends and protects everyone in his family - he'd rather be mistreated than witness any of us being mistreated.

They're supposed to be sleeping, but he's reading her a story from her favorite book. He stops and closes the book when he notices I'm about to snap a pic. He doesn't like the attention. His actions are good and pure, they aren't done for praise. The heart on that boy. <3

Genesis 50:20

This will probably be one of those rambling posts.

These last 6 days have rocked my world. I feel dead but am very much alive. I feel numb. I no longer know what the future holds for me, I feel like I have no right to dream anymore. I am disappointed in myself and hurt by someone else. That person is not who I thought they were at all. It blows my mind how some can just lie. Just look you dead in the face and lie to you like it's no big deal. How some people have seemingly good morals and yet behind closed doors behave completely opposite of those morals. I am struggling with how I should approach this...what my feelings toward this person should be. I know my ultimate goal is to forgive and love, just as Christ has done for me. I don't want to hold on to any bitter feelings towards anyone anymore. Onward and upward.

But I still feel dead. I know now more than ever that if things are to change it will be a complete miracle from Heaven. I realize now more than ever that I subconsciously sabotage myself because I am subconsciously convinced I don't deserve any good - so I push the good away, and fully embrace what I know will end up hurting me/make my life difficult. It's a habit I developed as a young child, and it is one that MUST. END. NOW. I've taken small steps in this direction this year but now it's time to be more drastic. I'm done doing life this way. 

I AM DONE.

First time I get a gut feeling that says, "No!" "This isn't right." "Get away!" "____ is lying!" I'm going to listen. I'm constantly giving the benefit of the doubt but for now on when it comes to comprising my morals or my safety, then it's a RESOUNDING HECK NO and I'm fleeing.

Oh my heart hurts. I keep thinking about my best friend Crystal and how I wish I was hanging out with her. I wish I could have a hug. I wish I was back in Georgia. I wish my ex wasn't a narcissistic abuser so that we could still be together. I wish I had my old life as a stay at home mom volunteering at her kids school and weekly shopping trips to Trader Joe's. 

Somehow among the numbness of reality, I have to muster the strength and motivation to keep on with school and life. I have to find joy again. My confidence in self and hope in humanity have been shaken this week and I have two very important doctors appointments coming up within the next 9 days. I need those to go well because I cannot imagine how I'll handle another blow. The fact that I actually have peace makes me think the news will be less than ideal. 

So I'm clinging to this verse as I face the days ahead. Easier said than done, but what other options do I have? I have to cling to my Father in Heaven. Him and my kids, they're all I've got.