God speaks

About 8 years ago, in 2007 (it was the end of March, I believe) I heard something said at church that I knew was meant for me. And when it was said, it was like everyone else had disappeared and it was just me and God. And I had goosebumps and I cried. I tried so hard not to cry, but I was unsuccessful; a woman sitting in front of me even asked me if I was OK! Kind of embarrassing, but I was overcome - that was one of the few times I have heard God speak directly to me. The words were spoken by Jeff Henderson, and it had to do with forgiveness.

Today I had a similar experience. Sometimes if I have the extra 40 minutes at the gym, I'll ride the bike and listen to an Andy Stanley  sermon. (The bike is the only piece of workout equipment I can seem to handle without upbeat music. ;) ) "Doubt not" is what he spoke on and he briefly touched on a subject similar to my current situation. And yes, for a moment I had to reexamine my situation and my personal choice, and I felt peace and I had to remind myself that the circumstances surrounding my situation is different than theirs. Sometimes I wish I could get others to understand this - I feel like people don't really understand why things are this way, and why they have to be. Shortly after, he said something, "if you are in a ..." and there it was - MY SITUATION. And the words that followed were exactly something I had struggled with for so long. And the goosebumps returned, and it was just me and God, and peace overwhelmed my soul. And I know that He loves me still, and that He will see me and my family through this.

People around me may still not get it, they may completely disagree - and though I shouldn't let it bother me, it kind of does bother me. But today my God, my Father, my Savior spoke to me, and He and I are good. And He knows the circumstances surrounding this situation, He understands the struggle. He is with me and He is for me. He loves me and He forgives me, and that's all I really need.

Today Was A GOOD Day

Something so little can have such a profound impact...

The kids spent the day with their father and I, instead of staying home and lounging to Lifetime or HGTV, instead of cleaning or straightening up, I made plans to go out! I had lunch with a gal I met from Bible study who is going thru a similar situation and we spent about 3 hours just talking and listening and it was nice. Afterwards, I met another friend who I also met at Bible study, and we went for coffee/tea. We sat on cozy furniture by a fireplace at a delicious smelling coffee shop while it rained outside and we discussed children, gym, and personal struggles.

Oh how my heart overflowed with gratitude! After coffee/tea, we went by Hobby Lobby briefly to get a few things. It was so nice to linger thru the aisles without little people pulling things off shelves or running off - don't get me wrong, I love my little people! But to have this adult time, this girl time, was just what my soul needed. It was pouring rain outside most of the day, but that did not hinder my day; I am so happy, so thankful, I needed this so much. Oh now my house is a mess, yes, but my cup has been filled and so tomorrow I will get back to reality of cooking/cleaning/parenting and repeat, and I will have the energy to do so well.

God, thank You! You know just what I need and just when I need it. Thank you for blessing me with my new friends. Thank You for rainy afternoons and coffee shops. Thank You for community. Thank You , thank You, thank You. <3

Year 2 Cancer Check

This morning I went in for my annual ultrasound to look for any signs of reoccurring thyroid cancer. And once again, I let fear rule me and consume as I cried randomly throughout the day, worrying about the outcome and quietly pleading with God.

A few minutes ago I received the call from my doctor. "Hey, how are?" And I'm all, ain't nobody got time for small talk - what are the results, woman?! (Haha, not really but I said something similar.)

Negative. No signs of reoccurring cancer. All looks well. And all the weight I've taken upon myself is lifted and I cry tears of gratitude.

God, how do you put up with me - me of little faith? I believe I've written on this before - how many times does He have to prove His faithfulness before I accept it and rest in His arms of peace? Why do I allow worry to cloud my mind when worry will not change a single thing?!

Today I am overcome with thankfulness. Thankful for a clean bill of health, and thankful for a patient Savior.

Asher's 1st Grade Performance

Tuesday April 21st 2015

He played Acorn #12 and had two solo lines, "And look! It's peaking through the clouds and warming everyone!"

Sweet Moments

This morning I had a conversation with each both that reflected their unique personality traits.

Zeke was telling me his plan...that at 14 he will get a job making ____ and he will save _____ much for car, save _____ much for future house, and allow himself ____ much for "spending". He spoke of his plans to buy a car by 16 and to buy a house right after finishing college. That's my Zeke. The responsible one. The planner.

Asher was telling me about an incident on the school play ground. A boy who was playing with Asher and his friend said a bad word, a word my kids aren't allowed to say. Asher told him his mom doesn't want him playing with kids who said bad words - but he was quick to tell this boy that they can still play, just please don't say that word around him. What a tricky situation! We aren't to judge or control others, yet we need to stand guard and protect our heart. We read Romans 12, and focused a lot on verse 18:

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Other highlights we touched were to be "devoted to one another in brotherly love" (v. 10) and to "live in harmony with one another" (v. 16), and 1 Timothy 4:12 where he talks about setting an example in speech, actions, etc. 

And that's my Asher; always trying to do what is right.

Easter 2015

Sunday April 5th, 2015

Asher's

Zeke's.

We started reading the Easter story on (Good) Friday. We finished reading it on Easter Sunday before giving the kids their Easter baskets. We went to church and then came home and had a little egg hunt in our apartment. For lunch/dinner we had grassfed beef roast slow cooked in filter water, onions and seasonings. The boys helped me chop up potatoes, green beans and carrots that we baked in coconut oil and seasonings. We had a relaxing rest of day including plenty of play time and perhaps a nap. ;)

You know how in different seasons of life you see things differently or understand them in a new way? This Easter I am so grateful that yes, my sins are forgiven because of what Christ did, but even more so that HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS. His resurrection is proof of that. And that to me, this season of life, means so much to me...He kept His word.

Asher's 7th Birthday

Friday March 20th, 2015

It's hard to believe my fella turned 7 today! Asher is such a sweet and kind kid. Beautiful heart. I can't believe how fast time is going by.

First thing he opened presents, I made breakfast. He played with his new toys all morning, and then we had Applebee's for lunch. They sang him happy birthday, and oh how I wish I caught his expression on camera! As they were singing , a guy from the back of the group comes up to Asher from behind and totally startles Ash. Asher later described the experience as "scary". But I think he enjoyed it. ;) Asher ran a few errands with his dad and brother, then it was pizza for dinner and then cupcakes and playing until bed. He asked to sleep with me and I couldn't resist. I have to treasures these moments because all too soon they will become a memory.

Happy Birthday, Asher. I love you forever!