Heart Broken

Tonight my heart is heavy. I just feel broken hearted. There really isn't any other word to describe it. So bad I want to just reach out to someone, share my feelings, cry, just have someone there. There's just so. much. pain. Though I know they would be there if I reached out, I choose not to. They have families and lives of their own and I don't wish to burden them with my sorrow. I also know I need to lean more on Him. I pray and yeah, sometimes I don't immediately feel different. I wonder if sometimes we just have to walk through the valley. What gives me hope is knowing He is faithful, and I believe He will be with me, I believe He is for me. I don't know what the outcome will be, nor do I know if I'll ever feel this way again or not, but just knowing what I mentioned above is enough.

God is close tonight, for He is near the broken hearted, the crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18) Oh Father, please help me.

Funny girl

Driving in the car yesterday and out of nowhere this happens:

Macie: Mom, do we have to die?

Me: Unless Jesus comes back to get us first, then yes, we will die.

Macie: Will it hurt when I get runned over?

Me: 😮

Sweet Moments

When I picked Zeke up from youth group tonight, I asked him what they talked about. He said they talked about God being (or should be) our #1 priority. He went on to say he is going to spend less time on Pokemon. I asked him if he thought that was what the Holy Spirit is telling him to do, and he said yes.

And just like that he is listening and obeying and my 7lb 12oz baby is becoming a young man and growing in his relationship with Christ and this mama could not be more proud of her son. <3 <3 <3

Sweet Prayers

"God, please let mom get a new thyroid and don't let this one get cancer, please. And help mom get pregnant so Macie can have a sister." -Asher

Back story, Macie REALLY wants a sister. She wonders why her brothers have each other but she doesn't have a sister. I encourage my kids to take their requests/feelings/anything to God , and so lately Asher has been praying this for his sister.

The thyroid part came out of nowhere !! He mentioned it would save money that I now spend on thyroid meds.

Asher is a sweetheart.

Today

Things I'm thankful for...

Friends who stand in the gap. Friends who inconvenience themselves to be the hands of feet, to show you you are not alone.

And I'm thankful for this message from Jesus on the eve of an important appointment - thankful for His peace.

No Control

The older I get, the more I realize how I try to control things. One thing in particular, my children. I try to control their environment, I try to keep them safe and I feel they are safest when with me - because then I know what's happening, I can change things accordingly, 'cause then I'm in control.

There's been a chance of storms all week but we haven't seen a drop of rain until this morning, the day my kids leave me for 24 hours and will be 1.5 hours away. I packed their bags, organized them, made sure they had all they would need plus some, to ensure their safety, well being, to give me a sense of comfort.

But now they're gone and the rain falls down and I have seen two strikes of lightning and have heard some thunder. My kids are driving off into a storm that I have no control of, I have no power over the weather or of people's driving. I am reminded of how not in control I am. I am humbled. I can try to control things to the best of my ability, with my limited knowledge, but I truly have no power in controlling the outcome of life --- whether it's my life or my children's. I am in tears as I realize my trust needs to be in His ability, not my own.

And now the storm clouds have rolled away and the sun has shown it's face. ❤

4th of July 2015

Saturday July 4th, 2015

So, today! It was pretty mellow. I took the kids to the pool for almost 3 hours. They had a blast! It's a big pool with two huge slides that make my stomach ache just from looking up at 'em, a kids play area, regular swimming area, lap pool area, and a rock climbing wall! Yes, a rock climbing wall in a pool-- crazy! They have like 4+ lifeguards at a time. Oh, and the first hour or so we were there, they were playing country music so you know I was happy -- especially when "Chicken Fried" by the Zac Brown Band came on. :)

After the pool, we came home for a late lunch and then just chilled for a while because I knew we would be up late for fireworks because they don't even start until after 10pm.

Fireworks were at the Capitol and we parked in the parking lot and just sat in the back of the Traverse with the trunk door open. The best part was hearing the kids reactions. Asher loved them and kept asking for bigger fireworks. Macie was cheering with such enthusiam that it was contagious! Zeke is too cool for such public displays of enthusiasm, but I know my boy enjoyed the show too. :)

We talked about today being America's birthday and this morning over breakfast, even say "happy birthday". This evening before bed, we read July 4 in Jesus Calling and then gave thanks for today and prayed for our country.

The kids passed out quickly and I will be too soon.

Happy 4th!